For the first time in 15 years

I am not a dog owner.

In mid-August 1992 I returned from my second summer in Kenya to finish out one more year at ACU. My fifth year. All my room mates and most of my friends had graduated the year before. I was coming back to ACU to live in a one bedroom apartment by myself. A week before school started I was in Waco visiting my cousins and saw an ad for Shit-zu puppies. My cousin and I went "just to look." I wanted a "roommate."

The puppies I went to see were too small to leave their Mom. I would have to come back in 3 weeks. But there was one little puppy from a different litter in this not so nice home kennel. The owner explained that he was a stud fee puppy and she was going to keep him. But he pawed and pawed at his cage so she let me hold him. He was a flirt! He was 6 weeks old but was so little that his hind legs barely draped over my wrist when I held him in the palm of my hand. He weighed less than two pounds. I had already agreed to come back and get one of the other puppies in a few weeks when the owner said that she would let me take that puppy today, for the right price. My cousins and I thanked her and left, but we didn't get far. The thought of leaving that cute puppy there in that yucky cage was just too much for me. I turned the car around and went right back and bought him (writing three post dated checks and getting some $$ help from my cousin.)

I named him Berkley after Berkley Hackett, the missionary I had worked with in Kenya. (Thus fulfilling my obligation to name my first "child" after BH!:) I have had Berkley ever since. He was great company through out the remainder of my days at ACU. He lived with me and my family during my car show years based in San Angelo. Berkley met Rob before my parents did. He was there through out our short dating period and our long engagement.  When Rob married me, he got Berkley too. We were a package deal. Berkley was our first "child" with us in our apartments in Midland, Euless and Hurst. He was there when we moved into our first home and then this our second home. Through bringing three babies home...Berkley has just always been here.

There were two times I tried to give him away. The first was after he snapped at and bit a sweet 9 month old Kolby. He didn't seem to like babies much, though he was protective in the way that he would sleep by their crib or bedroom door. The second was when he snapped at Rhett. But both times when it came time to say goodbye, I couldn't bear the thought of him wondering where we were or the thought that someone might hurt him if he snapped at them. We just kept him away from the kids and vice-versa. He hadn't really snapped at anyone in a long time, but we didn't give him much chance. I don't think he has been with in a foot of Ella Kate in the last 13 months. He was happy to just find a corner and sleep.

There were only two nights during those 15 years when I did not know where Berkley was. The first was when a repairman accidentally let Berkley out of our Hurst apartment. Rob and I searched the streets in a panic like two parents searching for their missing child. We did not rest until Animal Control opened the next morning at 9AM and confirmed that he was there. We had quite a homecoming celebration after I bailed Berk out of puppy prison! The second night was this year during Kolby's slumber party. He somehow got out and was taken in by a neighbor. It had been in the 20s that night and I feared the worst. We had started making signs and combing the neighborhood when we found him safe and sound. I know where his body is tonight, but I'm not at all sure where Berkley is. I just know he is not here. Berkley is gone.

Rob took him to the vet this morning. I couldn't. I am so grateful Rob did it. I know it was hard for him. Berkley needed to go. He had lost his hearing. He was blind in one eye and almost blind in the other. All his teeth were going bad. He had pain in his back legs and hips. He had lost control so I had to keep him outside before he ruined every carpet in the house. He was too old to become an outside dog, and it is too hot in Texas to do that to an old dog who has lived indoors his whole life. It was time.

I cried for the better part of last night and this morning but didn't let the kids know. They just thought he was going to the vet. We told them this afternoon when Rob came home. Kolby had been expecting it. Rhett cried. I joined him. We left Ella Kate with my Mom and drove out to my uncle's land. We buried Berkley under an oak tree by a pond where many family dogs have been buried. We placed a rock on his grave on which we had written these words with a sharpie:

Berkley Elliot Grosz

1992-2007

He was a good dog.

We each shared a favorite memory of Berkley. Rob said a prayer. Kolby planted a single white rose in the ground. Then we left.  As we drove home Rhett matter-of-factly said "I don't have a dog anymore." For the first time in 15 years, I don't either.

Thanks for being our dog Berkley! We're going to miss you. We are certain that if if there is a Doggie Heaven, you are there. And you aren't shaking, scared or hurting anymore. For that I am so glad. Rest in peace sweet puppy dog!

I have tons of Berkley pictures, but these are all that I can find on my computer tonight...

Kolby & Berkley in 1999.

Berkley and Rhett last Fall posing for Rhett's first show-n-tell pictures.

This morning. Snuggling in the brown chair before Dad took Berk to the vet.

Aside added 8-7-07

The last year or two with Berkley have not been so good. It wasn't until we buried him last night that all the great memories I have of him started coming back. I think we waited too long. I think we let him suffer. He has not been the Berkley we knew for a long time. I mourn the Berkley who sat on his hind legs and begged for food, the Berkley who buzzed circles in the house, the Berkley who made any ole brown paper sack into a hilarious attack tent. The sad old puppy who slept all the time, peed on the carpet every other hour, and scared me every time a baby was near...well it is not so hard to let that Berkley go. If anyone reading this is facing a similar situation please do not wait too long like we did! Yesterday was hard, but honestly it has been harder to watch Berkley go down hill and loose his happy curled tail love of life. Yesterday Berkley didn't feel a thing. And I hope where ever he is, he is buzzing and running circles today!