To Kolby on her seventh birthday

This is a few days early but I felt moved to write it out now.

Dear Kolby,

I will never forget the warm afternoon in June when I ran to Alberston’s on 183 and Browntrail in Hurst,Texas on my way home from work to make a very important purchase. . . a home pregnancy test. I bought several not realizing that there were 2 in a box. I also had one in the car that I had taken from the defunked "teen help closet" at work. I remember waiting for your Daddy to leave to help with VBS. I told him I would come later as I was having some stomach issues... little did he know!

He had barely closed the front door when I ran in the bathroom and took the first two tests. (I wanted to be sure.) IMEDIATELY the lines started forming. I checked the box.
Oh my, that can’t be right! I’ll take another.
And another…and another… Twenty minutes later there was a line of several pregnancy tests laid out on the bath tub. All said the same thing ~ BABY! I was really late to VBS that night.

Over the next nine months our lives changed dramatically. Two months after that June day when we learned you were coming, we celebrated our first anniversary by closing on a house. I just couldn’t have a baby in an apartment! (Why? I don’t remember!) Pregnancy was not what I expected, but we couldn't wait to meet you! I quit work on February 2nd and was put on bed rest that same day. Eight days later my "elephant" ankles and rising blood pressure convinced the doctor to help you along. I was admitted to the hospital at 6:30pm on the 10th to be induced on the 11th.

I cried the whole night before you were born because the nurses didn’t believe me when I said you were coming. They had just given me a sleeping pill at 11pm when my water broke. But the nurse kept saying that I was fine and they would induce in the morning. We knew differently, didn’t we! Around 4:30am when the nurse came in to check on me, I tearfully told her it felt like there was a potato between my legs. She ran over and threw back the covers…"OH MY! YOU ARE CROWNING!!!!"

When Dr. Gordon said "It’s a girl!" I was so happy. Somehow I think I had always known you were a girl. We met face to face around 5:00am. It was a perfect moment. In all my life I had never felt so loved and blessed as I did holding you with your Daddy’s arm in mine and your Mama K looking on in awe and wonder. You were a perfectly pink and alert little baby girl. My speechless heart cried tears of joy in a prayer of complete and total thanks.
2-11-98, Sara Kolby Grosz, 8 hours old.

An hour or so later when everyone had met you and they cleaned you up, I felt the first of many a "Mommy fear." I was terrified when they said it was time for me to nurse you, but you knew just what to do! It was the first time your confidence and ability would squelch my fears. You have done that many times over the last seven years.
Kolby on her first Birthday.

The first years with you were just fun and love while learning how to be both Wife and Mommy. There were some real hard and scary times, but as long as you and Daddy were ok, my world was right. Those days were so precious that I took about two rolls of film a week trying to remember every detail. People often kidded that you might get a "flash burn" from my camera happy habits. Everyday you seemed to grow and change. It was (and still is) an amazing thing to watch. You made your Daddy and I feel like a real family. You were then, as you are today, our little doll and drama queen! Back then my passion in life was dressing you up and showing you off! You were quite the little performer… as long as it was on your terms.

Age two on her big girl bed!

I tell you all this because in my heart when I look at your barely seven-year-old, freckle-faced smile, I sometimes see that precious wide-eyed, alert, perfectly pink baby I met so early one February morning. You will always be my baby girl! The older you get the more amazed and blessed I feel that God chose me to be your Mom. I am still in awe of the incredible little girl that I see before me. I love you so very, very much. You are smart, strong, funny and so loving and sweet. Your future is incredibly bright. As you continue to grow in the knowledge and love of our Father God, I pray that your heart will always stay with him. I know you will be able to accomplish all He sets before. God has a great plan for you Miss Kolby Sue!

September 12, 2001 Rhett's 2nd day home from the hospital. Kolby is 3 years 7 months & 1day old.

I will always be here cheering you on and loving you with a love I never knew possible. Time with you is priceless to me. I hope you never out grow Eskimo kisses or snuggling with your Mommy! But if you do… we will have lots of memories of Mommy/Daughter time together. Happy Birthday my beautiful, precious baby girl! I love you!!

Mommy
February 2005
Kolby now!

Are your ears burning?

I read an article about us in the paper Sunday. You can read it here. Seems we bloggers are growing in number by the hour. The Waco Tribune Herald ran the story under the title "Tales from the crib ~ Blogs by parents revel in self absorption."
Self-absorption? I started to take issue with that, but I can't. It's true. We bloggers talk about ourselves a lot. We report funny stories about our days. It's all about us... Or is it? Most of the blogs I read have a very spiritual tone. Man we are bad... totally absorbed in God and family! What is the world coming to?
My next reaction was why single out parents? There are blogs about business, politics, entertainment... Everything! Why is it so unusual for a national pastime (blogging is number 5 now) to focus around parenting? My, my, my, these are treacherous times we live in! :)
I think blogging about kids, God, and family is healthy, especially when you consider all the other things one could blog about. So blog on my fellow bloggers, Blog On! Though I'm preaching to the choir, I just wanted to give you heads up.... they're talking about us!

P.S. When will the blog spell check learn to recognize the word BLOG? AND I actually did enjoy the article. It was just the sub-title that gave me pause.

Options

This morning in our living room...

Me : Rhett you need to tidy up a bit and spread your bed. (My kids call it that, don't know why.)
Rhett: Mommy that is not a option.... I have two options, watch Rolly Polly Ollie and play with my super heroes.
Me: (Biting my tongue to keep from laughing.) Excuse me Rhett. What did you say?
Very determined and slightly annoyed at having to repeat himself, Rhett slowly and distinctly said "Cleaning is not a option today."

I totally agree with his words, just not his meaning!
One can only imagine what conversations in our house have sounded like when the three year old starts using the word "options." Love and Logic anyone?

Thanks

I wanted to briefly thank you, my fellow bloggers, for all the words of encouragement in comments and e-mails after yesterdays post. You guys build me up! I love this blog thing!!!
AND I wanted to direct you to Val's blog today. But a word of warning, grab a box of Kleenex as you go. Val is one of the most talented writers/bloggers/people around. Highland may not have a full time worship minister, but they have Val, who only lacks the title, office and church paid salary!

A stepping stone...

The sun is shining for the first time all week (YEAH!) and I have a long list of things to do while Rhett and McKenna are at Mothers Day Out. But, I need to share a few thoughts first...

Last night Rob and I visited a class at church based on the book Sacred Parenting. Since it was my first time in this class and since I do not have the book, I felt as if I was walking in on the middle of a conversation. I planned to just listen and glean as much as a "visitor' can. But last nights class hit on something deep inside me, something that I have let slide recently.

The discussion focused on the joys of parenting and encouraging your children. I came away very mindful of how encouragement is just as important as discipline and accountability. It is easy to loose sight of that, not just in parenting, but in all relationships.

I am not a natural encourager, though I wish I was. I love to be around people who are naturally encouraging. I have to really think about it though and make a conscience concentrated effort. Encouragers lift others up for the good in them. Maybe with more thoughtful practice, encouraging will become more habitual if not natural for me. I want to be a better encourager.

The class also got me thinking about those who have really encouraged me. Gratefully, my list of encouragers is pretty long. But there is one who stands out from all the rest, Thomas Caskey Livingston, my Granddaddy.

Though he died eight years ago this March, my Grandfather is still one of the most influential encourager and supporters in my life. He truly loved me no matter what. Even though it was embarrassing at the time, my Granddaddy bragged and bragged about my accomplishments to anyone who would listen ~ whether I truly merited bragging or not. My Granddad always treated me like I was someone really special. He could see past all my shortcomings and flaws, even when I couldn't.

In college when I struggled with what I thought were earth-shattering, life-ruining mistakes and circumstances, my Granddaddy grinned and told me not to put much stock in my troubles. He said I was going to be just fine. He seemed to have no doubt. His belief in me helped me to believe in myself. He wrote me several letters of encouragement saying that I was bigger and more important than any class I dropped or any wrong committed.

His letters were always encouraging, never rebuking or judgmental. Believe me, he had every right and opportunity to focus on my flaws and press me to mend my ways, but he never did. He just loved and believed in me. Looking back, that had to have been hard for him, but he never let on. I really miss him. I wish my kids could have known him. I married a guy who reminds me a lot of my Granddaddy in the way he loves and encourages me. I'm very blessed!

Granddaddy had a favorite poem that he quoted a lot. All six of his grandchildren know it by heart...

Isn't it strange that Princes and Kings,
And clowns that caper in saw dust rings,
And plain ole folk, just like you and me,
Are all builders of eternity
To each is given a book of rules,
A shapeless mass, and a bag of tools,
And each must make ere life is flown,
A stumbling block, or a stepping stone.

My grandfather heard this poem at an early age and took it to heart. Caskey Livingston was not a perfect man, but he was a stepping stone for me and many others. Even when his business failed and he had to start all over at an age that many men retire, he didn't let life get him down. He encouraged and loved people in a way that only a man possessed by Christ can love. I could not hope for more than to be the kind of "stepping stone" my grandfather was in the lives of his loved ones.... Especially since it seems everyone he knew became one of his loved ones! He made a great stepping stone.

Lord, Thank you for Granddaddy and all the "stepping stones" you have so generously placed in my path! Help me to become that same rock of encouragement in the lives of others. And thank you for your perfect, building love. Amen


May you have a blessed, and "Son" filled day!

Hold on!

When the weight of all my dreams
Is resting heavy on my head
And the thoughtful words of help and hope
Have all been nicely said
But I'm still hurting, wondering if I'll ever be the one
I think I am - I think I am
Then you gently re-remind me
That You've made me from the first
And the more I try to be the best
The more I get the worst
And I realize the good in me is only there because of who You are
Who You are...
And all I ever have to be is what
You've made me
Any more or less would be a step out of Your plan
As you daily recreate me
Help me always keep in mind
That I only have to do what I can find
And all I ever have to be
All I have to be
All I ever have to be is what
You've made me!
Lyrics by Amy Grant, Word Music 1980

As I said the other day, the music of Amy Grant has seen me through many a trial and triumph in life. At times when it felt like the roof was caving in, this song gave me hope. This song came to mind thinking about a friend who feels the weight of the world on her shoulders right now. This blog is for her. I hope she reads it!

I have been where you are so many times and felt that all encompassing heaviness that saturates to the bone. I have felt my head swirl so fast in a cloud of fear and doubt that my stomach churned and I literally was taken to the floor with nausea. "Where are you, God?" you cry out.
He is right here the spirit says. Did you hear him? Grab that salvation that Jesus died to give you and HOLD ON!
He is right here! Just keep moving forward and hold on tight.
When it has been cold and dark for so long that the light of day seems like a distant evasive dream, HOLD ON!
All you ever have to be is what HE made you, HOLD ON!
The Savior isn't finished with you yet, HOLD ON!
The best is yet to be, HOLD ON!
You are never as alone as you may feel. He is with you. It will get better. HOLD ON!

The greatest thing about growing older is learning that God truly is faithful and that everything is temporal, outside of God's love and Christ's sacrifice! Eventually the clouds will lift and the sun will shine. Even the worst storms have an ending. SO HOLD ON!
You are never so deep in darkness that the blood of Christ can't find you. He will never give up on you, even if you give up on him. Just hold on! HOLD ON!

Dear Lord
Please shelter my sweet friend. She has done wrong and she knows it. She is remorseful and hurting. She has been wronged and it seems life is falling apart around her. She has lost many a battle and she is tired of fighting. Lord, please fight for her! Please wrap her in your loving arms and hold on to her until this storm passes. Just hold on! I ask this in the name of your son Jesus, Amen.

Gray Rainy Day

Rhett: Mommy I don't want to go to school today.
Me: Why not?
Rhett: It's too cold.
Me: You're right! If you want to stay home you can.
(After all it is only Mother's Day Out and this Mother would rather stay in today!)
Rhett: Horray, no school !!! (Then sort of in awe and still excited...) You can hear me Mom. You really can hear me!

So is he saying I don't listen to him?

Hallelujah Honky Tonk

Saturday night I went to the Amy Grant/Vince Gill Concert with three girlfriends. The last time I was at an Amy Grant concert I was in high school. I thought about how much both our lives (Amy Grant's life and mine) have changed since then. We have both married, had babies, and ditched leather pants. She of course had the whole divorce, marriage wrecker, selling out thing going on ~ I didn't.

Ms. Grant has had a great deal of influence on me over the years. I was only 7 (Kolby's age) or 8 when I first heard Amy Grant sing "The Lord has a Will." She was 16.

I loved her music all through Jr High and High School. My youth minister had a crush on her and I remember watching a reel to reel movie about her life at a Jr High devo. (yes before video tapes and DVD's were so prevalent) I tried to look just like her when she came out in leather and hot pink leopard in my early high school days. Does anyone remember that album cover!?

She had her first daughter Millie when I was 20. Millie is now 15 ~ Ouch! I danced through many a diaper change with Kolby singing the song Amy wrote for Millie, "Baby Baby!" Now I have never been the picture-taking-autograph-getting kind of person, but I consider myself an Amy Grant fan. I loved singing along with her Saturday night partly because it brought back so many memories. Thanks Amy for all the great tunes over the years!

Then there was Vince Gill... To quote my friend Kris, "I bet he was a real pill growing up!" But what a great performer! A bit of a stinker. It seemed weird to hear "It's hard to kiss the lips at night that chew your a** out all day long" sung from the same stage as "My Father's Eyes."

The Vince portion of the show reminded me of my honky-tonking two-stepping summers in San Angelo. I was a good girl, but I will always have a little saw dust in my blood. There is just something about two-steppin' to George Strait across a saw-dust filled floor in west Texas that stays with you. You can take the girl out of west Texas, but you can't take west Texas out of the girl!

The dynamic duo closed with a duet from their Christmas show "Give me Jesus." Fernado Ortega would have been proud! I have been singing the song ever since. I heard a lady in front of me say how wrong she thought it was for Vince to sing something spiritual after "raising hell" all night long. I actually thought it was pretty cool. Something must be wrong with me.

The concert was a trip back in time on many levels. Am I getting old? My friends and I debated this over Starbucks before the show (not after...Yes we are showing our age!) and decided that the "30" years are a time of great introspection. Maybe so... I'm fine with that if it means many more fun concert filled Saturday nights!

All Skate!

I am working on plans for Kolby's birthday party. We are renting a church activity center. This church has rollerskates for kids from kindergarten through adult, so we are turning their gym into a roller rink. (We are truly getting our moneys worth out of that mirror ball I bought a few years back!) ANY WAY, I am trying to make a list of fun songs to skate to and have burned on a CD.

Below is my list so far, (which totally dates me!!!) but I want suggestions! I just can't think of skating songs?? Help me blog friends! What do you think a bunch of 5-8 year olds would enjoy skating to? What did you skate to once upon a time? I need help!

1. YMCA
2. Boppydoo ("Trashing the Camp" from Tarzan)
3. Various from The Kim Possible &The Ella Enchanted Soundtrack
4. Disco Duck
5. Hokey Pokey
6. We will, We will Rock You

Red Velvet Cake ~ The Recipe

Those of you who read this blog know that this is not my favorite cake. This recipe however is the best Red Velvet Cake I have ever eaten. I am posting the recipe because a while back I got an e-mail request from a reader(still amazes me that people actually do read this) for a Red Velvet Cake Recipe. She wanted to make one for her mothers Valentine Birthday. I was going to reply, but somehow the e-mail was erased and I do not lnow who she was. So, I am posting the recipe for her and for all. Although my kids perfer strawberry cake with buttercream icing for V-Day... most grown-ups dig Red Velvet!

I think the recipe is from my cousin Ashley's grandmother on her Dad's side, Totsy Hagelstein. We just called her "Great".

Great's Red Velvet Cake:
1/2 cup shortening
1 1/2 cup sugar
2 eggs
2 oz. red food coloring
2 1/2 cups flour
1 scant tsp salt
1 tsp vanilla
1tsp. soda
1 cup buttermilk
1TBSP vinegar
1 tsp butter flavoring
Cream shortening, sugar and eggs. Make a paste of food coloring and cocoa and add to mixture. Add salt and flour with butter, milk, and vanilla. Alternately add soda and vinegar and don't beat hard, just blend. Pour into two greased and floured round cake pans. Bale at 350 for 30 minutes. Cool completely. Split layers -(dental floss is great for this) to make 4 layers if desired. Frost with Cream Cheese icing, Butter Cream frosting or Divinity icing. (We always use cream cheese for this cake, but if I ever make it, I'll try Divinity.)

Cream Cheese Icing:
8oz cream cheese
1 box powdered sugar
1 stick margarine
1 tsp. Vanilla
Blend ingredients. Whip until creamy. Spread on cake.


Happy Baking! It truly is a pretty cake!

This can also be made as a sheet cake,BUT you will have lots of extra icing if you don't turn it out and split the layer before frosting. Christmas variation ~ make it in a bunt pan and glaze with a powdered sugar, milk and crushed peppermint mixture.

Because of Winn-Dixie

Last night Kolby and I read the first eight chapters of this book by Kate DiCamillo. I cheated and finished the book after Kolby went to bed. The book has been around for years and many consider it a "new Classic". It's only 182 big print pages, but it's story seems to go beyond that.

If any of you are looking for a good book to read with your kids I highly suggest it. I only wish it could have been a little longer... but part of the fun is writing the rest of the story in your mind long after you have put the book down. I have been thinking about India Opal all day today! Someone said this book has been made into a movie and will be released soon...so hurry up and grab a copy before the big screen blows it for you! :)
Because of Winn-Dixie

Did it change you?

"Mommy, does God love the people who lost everything in the tsunami?"
Sobering question.
"Yes, Kolby he loves them very much."
"All of them?"
"All of them, every last one."
" Then why did he let them get hurt."
" ................I don't know honey. I really don't know. Sometimes bad things just happen. "
"I thought God would save them if he loved them."
"That is something that is very hard to understand even for grown ups, but I promise you God loves them."
That is a small glimpse into the talks we have had ever since I decided to stop sheltering Kolby completely from the Tsunami tragedy.

When it first happened we were traveling for Christmas so it was easy to avoid. We never watch the news with the kids around and didn't watch much of the coverage. What I did see, read, and hear broke my heart. I felt my sensitive little six year old was too young to know too much about it. We told her the tsunami was a big wave that hurt a lot of people. But about a week or so ago we had to have the "tsunami talk."

It came up in a weird way. We are planning Kolby's birthday party. My very social daughter had and invitation list a mile long that we paired it down to 24 girls and 8 boys. I told Kolby months ago that this would be a "No Gifts Please" party, not to punish her, but to try to keep her 30 + friends from wasting money on stuff we don't need. (Not to mention that there is no room in our house for 30+ more toys!) But I got to thinking, most people want to give something. So I approached Kolby about asking for donations for the tsunami victims instead of presents. I quickly realized I had sheltered her too well. Kolby didn't seem to get what the big deal was about the tsunami. ( She calls it the two-saw-me)

I tired to explain it in words she would understand, but in a way that would not terrify her and give her nightmares. We talked about what it would be like if a giant wave came and suddenly washed away our house and the houses of everyone in Hewitt. Then I asked what if she and I couldn't find Daddy or Rhett or any of our family? What if every thing we owned in the whole world was just gone? Wouldn't we want someone to help us? Wouldn't we be sad? Wouldn't we pray to God that some one, even some one we didn't know, would help us? Wouldn't God want the people who still had warm homes and plenty of everything to share?

Kolby took it to heart. It was almost an instant transformation. Not only did she want to give them all her birthday presents, she wanted to go through her toys and clothes and send them some nice things. I told her that they really just need money because the people who lost all their things need to get exactly what they want and need. She then wanted to send them her coveted Target Christmas gift card. (Like her Mama, gift cards are her favorite thing!)

Since then we have talked about the tsunami a lot. We have researched aid agencies and talked about where to send her donations. Kolby paid very close attention to the special collection we had at church for the Tsunami victims. Last week she wanted to put all her reading quarters in the jar at school for the victims because "they might need some stuff before my party."

Bless her heart! She thinks her skate party will be able to pay for everything. I think it is important for her to feel what she does and what she gives makes a difference. I think the tsunami has changed Kolby. Her eyes are more open to her blessings and other's misfortunes. I think it has changed me in the same way. Many times lately I have found myself petitioning God for something only to stop mid-prayer and say "Forget that Lord, I don't need anything. That was just totally selfish."

I think more about how to really be about the work of my Father. Sometimes I get so caught up in "just getting through the day" that I forget why I am here. I am here to live a life that glorifies God above all else. This event and Kolby's reaction to it has forced me to take a more spiritual focus and intent in my parenting and think more about the example I set for my kids.

I do not know how to answer all of Kolby's questions about the tsunami ...Or even my own, but this I know... I do not want 200,000 plus people to die in vain. I think this event should change me, change all of us. Nothing will justify this loss, but in memoriam to those who lost so much, the least I can do is try be better and love deeper. God must be glorified or it is all for loss. For all our differences the entire human race recognizes the pain and suffering of this event. I guess pain is universal. But so is love... I hope we are able to show our world love during this horrible trying time.

You can take this rhetorically or literally but the question put on my heart to ask tonight is "How has the Tsunami changed you?" I pray that all our answers together start to form a healing balm that will salve the gaping wound left in the wake of this awful, awful wave.

I know this is long and rambling. If you made it this far...Thanks for reading! :)

Mommy Moments

Indulge me as I share some Mommy moments with you...

Kolby is enjoying Upwards Basketball Cheerleading for 8 weeks. Last night I asked her how practice went as she climbed in the van. She said "Good. Did you know cheerleaders are supposed to yell and jump and act hyper, even inside?" She was quite amazed that I signed her up for this gig!

Yesterday when I asked Rhett how school was... "Let's just talk about your day Mommy. How was shopping?"

Kolby upon finishing her AR book the other night. "Mom do you take a test after you read your blogs?"

A few nights ago Rhett wanted to "lay down for a little" in our bed. We sang a few songs, read a few books and said a few prayers. Rhett then said he was going to sing a song for us. Sort of to the tune of "Jesus loves me"
Mommy loves me, yes she does
Daddy loves me, yes daddy loves me
I sleep in their bed all night!
I laughed all the way to Rhett's room where I deposited him in his bed for the night. But nice try.

Last night Kolby and I were doing Eskimo kisses and butterfly kisses as I tucked her in. At butterfly kisses she said "That tickles but I am going to be brave and not laugh" ... Just cracked me up.

This morning Rhett told McKenna to eat her Pop-tart so she would be "big and strong with stinky breath."
"Stinky breath?" I asked
"Yeah like Mommy's and Daddy's in the morning" as he pretended to smell my breath and plug his nose.

Pardon me while I go brush my teeth!

Open Wide

In keeping with the dental theme that is floating around today... I took Kolby to the dentist this morning for her 6 month check and cleaning. The Hygentist didn't believe Kolby when she said the tooth fairy had come to see us 9 times...but she has. Yes, my daughter has lost nine teeth.

All was well. No new cavities. Then the dentist, Dr. Cox, came in to take a look. The next words out of his mouth were not surprising, but they struck fear in my heart. "This time next year we will probably need to refer you to an orthodontist..."

An ORTHODONTIST.... Already? She's 6 and will be only 7 in two weeks! But it seems Kolby inherited traits from both Rob and I that will set us back thousands of dollars over the next few years, and force her to be a metal mouth. Kolby has big teeth and very small jaws, like me. ( How in the world could I have such an unusually small jaw yet be so gifted in the art of GAB? One of life's little ironies I guess! ;O )

From Rob, Kolby inherited the trait of developing a few extra teeth. ( Rob had over a dozen teeth removed or cut out by age 16) There is no room for all those teeth! That is why Kolby has lost nine baby teeth to make room for only five big permanent teeth. So as soon as the 6 year molars (that they say don't usually come in until age 7~go figure) are in we are off to the wonderful world of orthodontics.

And truly it is great that we live in a time when teeth can be "fixed." It's just that paying for all of this and seeing my baby girl in braces is a bit hard to swallow. I guess I have to face the fact that Kolby is growing up, dang it! As for paying for all of this, well I guess it's like the dentist said this morning,, get out your wallet and "Open wide!"

PS I am having an awful time with blogger. Is anyone else having trouble?

Why I blog

Ok my friends and various other strangers, I feel the need to talk about blogging today.

I love to blog. I love to read other peoples blogs. I love comments. I started this blog as a type of E-journal. A place to vent and explain myself and learn from others. I started in hopes that others could be encouraged by knowing they are not alone when their three year old throws produce at people in the grocery store, or their husband buys them a birthday cake they really don't like.

Because it helps me so much, I thought it might help others to know that Christian women have good days and bad. At times, from a place of love and desiring to be and do better, we question our faith, our Creator, or our congregations. We mourn when loved ones are lost. We rejoice when our toddlers finally get potty training. We share diet dilemmas, pregnancy stories and shopping tips. We learn best by experience, even shared experience. I love to pray for my blog family, even though most of you I would not know if you walked up to me on the street. I think blogging is a way to share, to minister, to encourage and be encouraged.

Having said that, I feel I need to explain that my goals in blogging are not to keep a "day by day, minute by minute, could be published on the front page of the paper" account of my life or the lives of my loved ones. The rules of journalism do not apply here. I may draw on experiences from months ago. I may be very dramatic. This ain't no AP article! (See they can't say "ain't" in the AP unless it's a quote!)

I may have a different take on an event than someone else who was there... It's called perspective. I may color my world rosier or grayer than it really is... Again it is my perspective. I think most of you know this. I don't think it bugs anyone. Just something I needed to vent about. Thanks for reading.

Woosh ... I feel so much better. Out of curiosity, why do you blog? What do you expect to find in blog land? Just wondering.... Hey that is a great title! Hope you have a wonderful blog filled day!

AND my friend Elizabeth (who as you will see in the comments helped spark todays topic... in a good way) has taken up residency in blogland. Go check her blog out here! Welcome to blog land Elizabeth!!!

Vote for Carrie

Ever since she moved in next door, I have been telling my neighbor Carrie that she looks just like Amy Grant. Now she has gone and entered an Amy Grant look alike contest!!! Go vote for Carrie at this Link. or go to star929fm.com and click on the Amy Grant contest link. GO CARRIE!!!!
Ok, in all fairness, if you see someone else who looks more like AG vote for them...but you won't!

Random Fun Friday

Kolby and I just returned from Fort Worth. We took off around 10:30 this morning (after Kolby's spelling test) and headed north to "our old home town", as Kolby calls it. After a pit stop in West for treats from the Czech Stop, we headed for Cowtown's hospital district. From May 1997 to February 1998 (roughly my entire pregnancy with Kolby) I worked for Family Service Hospice. I became very familiar with all the hospitals, and the whole hospital area. Going back there brought back memories of puking into baggies at stop lights, the restaurants around that soothed my crazy pregnancy cravings and more than anything the Chapel at Cooks Childrens Hospital.

Today we went to visit the Copes...well drop off goodies, hug and run before we got in the way. It was so good to see Mike and Diane. They never seem to age!! Both were in good spirits, but that tired Hospital haze was obvious in both their faces. The good news is that Chris is out of ICU and doing as well as a 12 year old can his first day off the major pain meds can do. He was in pain, but from all reports he is right on schedule to make a full, though slow, recovery. That is so good to hear isn't !? Chris will probably be at Cooks another week, but they are not sure about all that yet. I also talked to Sheryl Lemmons. She was very upbeat and expects Austin to go home in the next few days. I didn't talk to Bennets but I think he and Austin are sharing the road to recovery. Good news from the three amigos at Cooks!

After the hospital stop we headed to North Tarrant County for some shopping and sight seeing around our old haunts. Our old house looked sad... made me happy that we don't live there anymore! We spent sometime at Super Target...I forget how huge those super Targets are!!! And then got to go by the Lees house for a visit with Kristi (Yates), Josie and Lauren! Kolby loved getting to play with her "first friend" Lauren and Josie, who Kolby called "Sissy" for the first two years of her life. I loved getting to visit with Kristi.

Kristi taught me how to be a Mom to a baby. Lauren was born 6 weeks before Kolby. Kristi, though three years younger than I, had Josie, who was two ( and adorable) so she was my Mommy Mentor. I love Kristi like a sister. Though we don't visit nearly as often as we should, we pick up right where we left off every time. Funny how most of my best, best friends became my friends during that first Mommy year... and all have kids Kolby's age. Rooky Moms need lots of good friends and BUNKO! Susan, Heidi, Diana, Emily, Karen, & Kristi, I miss you girls!!! Actually, I miss girlfriends in general lately! I think it is time to resurrect Bunko night....Waco girls what do you think??? (OK, the two of you who read this anyway) But I stray.......

Kolby and I made one more swing by the hospital on our way out of town and ended our "Girls trip" with Kolaches and honey bears from the Czech Stop...Yes, twice in one day.. Kolby's choice. It was a great day! Now we're popping corn and about to watch Ella Enchanted. Saturday will be a big day of Cheerleading, birthday parties, and working on that room of mine...No it is nowhere near finished! :)

Hope your weekend is wonderful and full of times with friends!!!

Hallelujah and pass the creamed corn

Well I have to share the words that brought me to absolute sobbing tears tonight. I just read the update on Mikes blog. Please go there and read it for yourself, but I'm about to ruin the ending for you. I was fine through all of it, even the Megan reference, but these last words...

I'm fighting back tears as I tell you that my son appears to be all right. Thanks, Mike

Well it sent me over the edge. Can you imagine what the last 24 hours have been like for Mike, Diane, Matt & Jenna and all the family? Then you reach that point of releif, that hesitant and not to confident point of releif. All the worry, all the fear, all the "will he ever be able to?" thoughts just over load the emotions as they lift. Thank you God for helping Chris heal and helping them all cope... COPE how appropriate that name seems! God bless all who have prayed so hard. Don't let up!

A big helping of creamed corn is on my plate today... but that is so preferable to what could be... I am very blessed and very grateful...creamed corn and all! Good night sweet blog land!

Pray for the Highland family

As all of you probably know Chris Cope was in an awful accident on Sunday. You can check Mike's blog, Brandon's blog and Val's blog for updates.

All I have to say is that no parent should have to have two different children medi-vac-ed to Cooks Childrens Hosipital in such a horrible condition. Chris was two or so when Mike and Diane made the trip with Meagan. I can not imagine how painful it was to make that trip again. These people have had their hearts ripped out more times than anyone should. Please say a special prayer for Mike and Diane.... and for the family of Brody Bourland who I'm sure are reeling from the shock of loosing their precious son.

Dear Lord,
Please, please, please wrap these families in your love and grace. We cry out to you to heal the boys who survived and shelter the family of the boy who did not survive as only you can. Father God we don't know what to say or how to say it, but please let the love and warth felt for these families help to carry them through this tragedy! Your love Lord. Let us love with your Love!
Amen

(PS I'm posting from across the street at my parents, as my computer is still boxed up! NOT the weekend to have the computer in a box in the garage!!!)

Praise Him

Praise him you servants of the Lord;
Praise the name of the Lord.
The Lords name should be praised now and forever
The Lords name should be praised from where the sun rises to where the sun sets
The Lord is supreme over all the nations; his glory reaches to the skies.

No one is like the Lord our God,who rules from heaven, who bends down to look at the skies and the earth.
The Lord lifts the poor from the dirt and takes the helpless from the ashes.
He seats them with princes, the princes of his people.
He gives children to the woman who has none and makes her a happy mother.

Praise the Lord!

Psalm 113
New Century Version

Today is Thursday. Rhett and McKenna are at Mother-day-out. I have the house to myself and the time an energy to get things done. The Lord is good! I am a happy mother who feels the need to praise Him!

I orignally wanted to blog about literature and the evil empire of AR (accelerated reader programs), but after reading Brandons post today, something inside just decided to go a different route. I am going to buckle down and tackel a project I have put off for over a year. I am totally cleaning out and redecoraing our room and office area. The computer will be unplugged and moved to get ready for painting...and to make sure I don't get side-tracked in my beloved blog land. So I'll be back on-line some time next week. Have a great weekend blog family!

PS: If I am really brave I will post before and after shots... but don't count on too many befores!
just discovered webdings!
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You get what you get

and you don't throw a fit!

This phrase has begun to tumble off my tongue as often as the word "hello". My precious little boy is going through a stage right now that has me daydreaming about boarding pre-schools. I am truly having to bite my tongue so often that I have ulcers forming in my mouth, and close my eyes to 'count to ten' so often some may think I'm having seizures.

Rhett has a very strong will (like his Mommy, Daddy and Sister). He also has a high pitched, loud cry. In the nursery as a baby, they called Rhett "Dolphin Boy" because his cry was so loud and so high pitched. I am finding that an iron will and a dolphin cry don't mix well. Add the fact that Rhett is extremely detail oriented and a hefty 38 pound 3 year old boy and ...Well sometimes it's a caustic combination.

Take our quick trip to the grocery this afternoon. Rhett started crying in the parking lot because he didn't want to go in. I didn't really want to go in either but we needed milk so, there was no choice in the matter. After I explained this to him, he went limp in the parking lot with the dolphin scream saying "I don't want to go in! I want to stay in the van." I commandeered a shopping cart from a lady across the way and scooped the screaming blob of dolphin boy into the buggy... His cry then changed to "I don't want to ride in this cart I'm not a baby!" You probably guessed my reaction... "If you cry like a baby, you ride like a baby."

So into HEB we went. Poor Kolby was trying to walk far enough ahead of us so that it wouldn't look like we were together. I wish I could have joined her! Every aisle was a new fit of "I don't want to go down this aisle" mixed in with "I don't want ___or I want a ___" or his typical "I want the BLUE one!" all in the loud dolphin cry. (I think Rhett would drink blue milk and eat blue meat if we could find it. The boy wants EVERYTHING to be blue!#**&^%"#**&;^%)

At first I just ignored him, but when he started throwing produce out of my cart and hitting passers by, I had to do something.... But what can you really do in a grocery store? I had already taken his "one item" privilege away. He was already in the cart. My Mom says to spank, but in this day and age, a pop on the seat in a crowded store is just an invitation for CPS to come calling. So I discretely pinched his leg lightly to get his attention and said "You better stop crying now and be the fine young man I know you can be." .... That did not work at all!

It never got better. In fact it only got worse, if you can imagine! Rhett cried all the way through checking out, loading the car, dropping Kolby off at cheerleading and the whole drive home. Dolphin boy was in rare form.

Finally, with the garage door down and the car securely parked and locked, I burst from the van leaving dolphin boy buckled in with his screams. I ran in the house to call his grandmother who lives across the street."Your grandson may be spending the night in the van, unless you care to deal with him" She had tried to talk to me on my cell during the grocery store visit so she knew what was going on "I'll be right over." It's nice to have a Mom who is actually professionally licensed to work with difficult children just thirty eight foot steps away.

She walked in the door and headed for the garage. I warned her that her hearing might be impaired forever, but she marched on. I watched from the laundry room. Rhett was still in the van screaming. Mom pulled back the door and said "Hey Rhett!" That little toot stopped crying and in the sweetest little voice said "Save me Mama K" ~ Oh PuL-EEZE!!!! And then he dried up his tears and hopped out of the van like nothing ever happened.

I share this for several reasons... First, I know that there are many of you out there who can relate... at least I am hoping there are!!!. (For those of you who have perfect children who would never act this way, please "next blog" on) Any word of advice, comfort, assurance? Am I the only Mommy wondering if there is such s thing as a boarding military pre-school?-haha! How do you handle the grocery store? What do I do with Dolphin Boy? I have visions of Rhett being 19 years old, 6.4 Ft tall, weighing 240 and still crumpling to the floor crying when he doesn't get his way screaming "I want the BLUE one!!!" AGGGGG!

The other reason I share this is I had a young friend comment on how easy life must be when your married with two kids and you get to stay home. For any of you single dreamers who still think stay-home Moms sit around watching Oprah and eating Bon Bons, I am here to tell you that it just ain't so!!! Please understand that I am very blessed in my life. My husband, my kids, our house, my life are all more than I ever dreamed of...But easy? This is not easy. Truth in blogging... Being a stay home Mom is really tough at times. Today was one of those days! I can't share all the chicken soup-ish cute stories without letting you in on some of the bad. Parenting is not for cowards.

Lastly, days like today make me realize how much I need God. The last few weeks have been busy, but not really hard. Today was hard. Today I find myself on my knees praying that I will be the Mom I need to be to my son, that God will cover my shortcomings with Rhett and help him in ways I can't. Today I plead for the Heavenly Father to take over Rhett and I trust that HE will not let either of us down. How could anyone parent without God in their life? How could there ever be any sense of security on hard days like today if the creator of the Universe wasn't there to "get your back" when it comes to raising kids? I would have a lot worse than a hole in my tongue and a splitting headache if I couldn't turn to the ultimate Father on days like this, and for that I MUST praise Him!

Thank you Father God for being here with me! It's so good to know you always know what is best even when I feel lost and overwhelmed. Thank you for loving my children even more than I can. Thank you for being so patient with me, your flawed and imperfect child! ...................and could you PLEASE work on lowering that Dolphin cry ? :)

Hope you are not having one of Those days!

Secret's out!

First the teachers lounge was a huge hit!(Even though I did plug all three microwaves into one outlet causing the circuit to blow and the lights to go out for a minute or two ...oooppps!) The sweet teachers have been so expressive in their gratitude!

Then today Mae finally let the cat out of the bag! Go to her blog to read the big news and congratulate her!

AND Brandon and Sheryl are having a BOY! Little Sam Thomas, we can't wait to meet you!
What a fun week! I have big hopes for 2005 and so far I have not been disappointed!:)

A little Mommy side note: A week or so ago Rhett just out of the blue said "Mommy, my Thomas party was an ENORMOUS Success." WOW ! This tickled me for many reasons... First of all his party was in September and it was December. Second, what three year old says enormous success? And third, it is always nice to be appreciated, even if it is a little late and out of character.
Hope your day is an ENORMOUS SUCCESS!

It is finished

Ok my big secret is out of the bag!! (Not that it was a secret to blog world because I mentioned that a friend and I were redoing the teachers lounge over the holidays.) Today the teachers went back to find their "stark white walls, no color, no art, no homey feel" teacher lounge completely transformed. It took A LOT of work, but the sound of my friend Alain's voice on the phone this morning made it all worth while. "Holy COW!!!" she said as she called me from school to tell me the reaction to the big surprise. My "before" pictures are still in the camera, but my friend and cohort Shae Dickey took these after pictures last night as we finished it all up.
This is what I did over Christmas break.....


Notice the new floor.


Dark beige and an "ink drop" navy stripe cover two walls.


Added some "funk" above the eletric blue cabinets.


New curtains, valances, tables and decor.

New desk area


new curtains





the ugly corner


I want this bookcase!
So anyone up for a room makeover????

Secrets

I can not blog today because everything on my mind "Is a secret" CREAMED CORN!

I have a love/hate relationships with secrets. I am a great secret keeper if it is not MY secret. My "secrets" unnerve me. Unless it is for something like a really great surprise, I usually don't like to make things secret. I have pulled off many a surprise party in my life and those were very fun secrets. I have also had to carry some not so fun secrets around before. Bad secrets are awful. The sooner they can be dumped, the better. But good or bad, I seldom let a secret go until it's time.

Rob, on the other hand, can not keep a secret at all! Of course he knows when to use discretion and bad secrets are safe with him, but other secrets are as good as told when he learns them. He even has a hard time keeping Christmas and birthday presents secret. It is sorta a game with us now... but with Rob it is an endearing quality. Other people who blab before it is time get on my nerves.

What about you? Can you keep a secret?

Worrying

I have this quote framed on my desk. It has been there for years.
I first framed it for my Nana who made worrying a life long hobby.
Funny how the older I get the more truth I see in these words. Hope you have a great day with no worries! : )

Adult A.D.D. defined ...

My house looks like a total disaster area. Seriously!!! Christmas has almost left the building but the aftermath is crazy. I find myself overwhelmed and not sure where to start. It's times like this that my true ADD nature rears it's ugly head!

If any of you ever doubt that there is true legitimate adult ADD please read this. It's not original to me but it could be... focus, focus, focus!

I decide to wash my car.
As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the hall table.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trash can under the table, and notice that the trash can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first.
But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the trash anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check left my extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.
I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need to be watered.
I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.
I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day the car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter, the flowers aren't watered, there is still only one check in my checkbook, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long,

and I'm really tired.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Ahhhh a new day and a new year! I think 2005 is going to be a great year for the Grosz family.

Got any good resolutions you want to share??

For a fun way to eat your "New Years black eyed peas", try this recipe. (My grandmother swore by the black-eyed pea tradition!)

TEXAS CAVIAR
In a LARGE bowl combine:
3 cans of black-eyed peas with Jalapeno peppers AND
2 cans black-eyed peas (drained together and rinsed in a colander)
one large purple onion diced
one small white onion diced
two green peppers diced
two medium tomatoes cubed
salt or garlic salt to taste (optional)
one medium bottle of Wishbone brand Italian dressing (Fat free works great)
Refrigerate and store in an airtight container. Keeps 3- 4 days.
Serve with tortilla chips in place of chunky salsa.

This recipe has become a tradition in our family for New Years Eve/Day ever since Clara Talley shared it with us nine years ago. Thank you Clare! It is so much a tradition that yesterday, during my all day paint-a-thon at the school, Rob decided to mix up a batch of it on his own. He did a great job! Chunkier than my version but, yum yum... and I am eating it now! Thanks honey!

Still cleaning and painting. Just four more days to get it all done! :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR BLOG FAMILY!

P.S. I am enabling anon. comments again for visitors to blogland and for the lady at HEB. (tell ya' later) Just don't cuss at me or rip on the President. OK? : )

Balloons on the side of the highway

Last September Michael Martin, an ACU grad, lost his wife, three precious sons, and mother-in -law in an instant when a 18 wheeler plowed through their Expedition on I-75 outside of Sherman, Texas. (I have blogged about this before on September 24. ) The resulting fire was so hot that only portions of the license plate were recognizable. I have been thinking about Mike Martin a lot this holiday season, praying that God will somehow comfort this young widowed man in a way I can not imagine from a grief I can not fathom.

Rob's parents live 20 minutes from the scene of the accident. A few days ago we made the pilgrimage to Denison for a late Christmas. As we came to the northern tip of Plano the Martins suddenly invaded my mind. We drove through McKinney past the High Point Church of Christ where I watched news crews cover the prayer and funeral services. A tear or two slipped out as I tried to think of other things.

The stretch between McKinney and Sherman is only about 50 miles but dragged on and on and on. In Howe I started looking for some sign of the wreck ... I can't explain why. Melissa, Anna, then finally Sherman. There it was. On the left side of the road just after the cement barrier that divides the highway ended, someone placed a flock of Mylar balloons. If there was a sign I couldn't read it, but I knew that that was it. That was where 5 lives in the Martin family ended in an instant. For some reason I felt so much better knowing the spot had been marked, at least temporarily. I said a prayer, shed a tear or two and let it go. I needed to acknowledge that grief and see someone else acknowledge it.

As I see the tragedy unfold on the other side of the world I wonder how all these people will recover. How do you move on past this type tragedy..... But then again how do you not? Life goes on. Sometimes we think life will stop for our joys and sorrows, but it just keeps going on and on then in an instant it is gone.

I doubt I ever completely grasp the mysteries of the gift we have called life. But, I have come to believe that whether I am grieving or celebrating, rich or poor, down-and-out or up-and-adam, one thing remains.... God is God and I am not. When I see the tragedy others face this year I realize how good God has been to me and I am overcome with gratitude. Gratitude mixed with grief for all those who mourn. Like it or not, life goes on for them and for me. Life has a way of reminding me that this world and this life is not all there is, Praise God!

Jesus said “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have great sorrow. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16: 33

Dear Lord, Please help all who mourn this year, all who have lost everything, and all who are broken. Help them to turn to you, the only true source of hope and comfort in this world. Please heal these people. Heal their hearts and their land. Give them hope and let them feel and see your unfaltering love. Help us to show your love to all who need to see it. Help us reach all who can be reached so that we may all come home to you Lord!

For all those reading this, thank you for letting me vent and express myself. I think of this blog as my way of marking and remembering what needs to be acknowledged in my life ... sort of like my own bouquet of balloons on the side of life's highway.

God bless us all in 2005!

Asian Disaster Toll Could Top 100,000

Read that headline again. Asian Disaster Toll Could Top 100,000 -- Red Cross My goodness. 100,000 people gone. Dead. In an instant. That would be like our whole city vanishing. That would be like everyone I ever knew and then some all dieing at once. All those lives taken.

Millions...Literally millions of peoples lives disrupted, hearts broken, spirits crushed.

No words, just tears.

What can we say that does this tragedy justice?

Lord please help these people. Please provide what ever measure of peace and comfort is possible. Heal the wounded. Heal their many lands. Heal the hearts of those who have lost so much. Thank you for my life Lord, thank you for my life!

Happy Anniversary...Almost

Tomorrow will be my six month blogging anniversary! ( I was a blog lurker and commentor for six months before actually posting on my blog.) Just six months and it has become such a big part of my day. I love my blog family! All of you are such an encouragement to me. I wonder what the next six months will bring?

The house looks as if Christmas exploded inside. Well, it sort of did. The kids got tons of great toys and clothes. Santa came through with a bike for Rhett and an American Girl Doll for Kolby. Rob and I were also very blessed and guess what...It is only half over. Today we are heading to Rob's parents in Denison, Texas for Christmas with the Grosz side of the family! :) We plan to stop off in Dallas to see the trains at North Park. Rhett is such a train fan, so it should be fun. ( The Cheesecake Factory is also just across the street!) I really should get going... but I feel the need to ramble and reflect this morning. This will drive Rob to distraction as he is in "go" mode.

Exactly how long is too long to leave the Christmas decor up? When does it just become repulsive to see red and green? It took so long to get it all out and up this year, I don't feel the slightest bit motivated to pull it all down. Humbug!

Rob and I have three huge projects to do before he heads back to work....OK I have 3 big projects and Rob shares one of them. 1. We are going to paint our room... walls, ceilings, moldings everything!!!!
2. We have to clean and box up our room so we can paint. The Christmas stuff has to find it way to the attic and presents have to find new homes in our house. And finally...drum roll please.....................
3. I volunteered to completely redecorate the teachers lounge at school over the holidays. I have until January 10th. Yes we are painting, putting in new floor, hanging curtains, framing art, making art.... The whole nine yards! I know, I know what was I thinking!

So if you don't hear from me for a while, you know why. If you are gifted in a painting kind of way and want to help, just give me a call. I will be farming my kids out too if you want a turn:) Cheap plug huh? -On that note I think I will stop.

Happy After Christmas!!!

Midnight on aisle four

After Cheerleading Practice, after supper, after the PTA committee meeting, after two phone calls to dear friends, and after bed time medicines and kisses, I found myself driving to Wal-Mart to get the last things I needed to finish up Christmas projects and "beat" the crowd. (I'm not sure if you are "beating the crowd"if you get there after the crowd has left but, you understand, right?) Anyway I expected the crowd at Wal-mart to be quite thin at 10:00pm. I was wrong.

I ran in to lots of people I know. As I played shopping cart derby trying to navigate the aisles I thought "Why are all these crazy people here so late?'' Just then I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror (that incidentally, was marked down to $24.98). Now that is one crazy lady, buying M&Ms, spray paint, a phone card, a DVD gift set, baggies and a gallon of milk at 10:30pm!

The craziest thing about the holidays is that we wear our selves out trying to make the season just right! Personally, I think the flu season hits hardest in January because our resistance is down from all that crazy hustle and bustle. Please don't think I am a scrooge. I love buying and wrapping presents. To a point, I actually enjoy the hustle and bustle and late night trips. I love this season.

But last night as I made my way to the check out stand I had an "Ah-Ha" moment that sort of put the season in perspective for me. I accidentally picked up The Passion DVD gift set. I thought I had grabbed the Gone With The Wind Gift Set (same color box and right beside each other on the shelf). I was agitated when I realized I would have to go all the way back to electronics to make the exchange. I grabbed the DVD out of my basket and started to huff back to the back of the store. As I passed a little black woman, Passion in hand, she remarked "Oh now wasn't that the greatest gift we could get, Praise God!" I smiled and nodded somewhat startled by the sound of God being praised in Wal-Mart. Then I looked down at that man hanging on the cross on the back of the DVD and I realized how right that little lady was.

The greatest gift ever was not Christ's birth, which was miraculous and wonderous to be sure, but his death. His horrible, painful, agonizing and brutal death. Remember when "The Passion " came out how the nation was completely gripped by the movie? Didn't it turn your stomach to see him beat? Didn't it make you want to hurl when they whipped him? The greatest gift ever came without wrapping paper and bubble wrap. There was not a big satin bow nor a card enclosed. Just blood, sweat, tears, and a life sacrifice. He did all this for me. Nothing could ever top that gift. May I never ever gripe about what I go through to give these temporal, insignificant trinkets to the ones I love. My Savior gave it all for me.

Right there in Wal-mart I had a little change of heart. I decided not to exchange the DVD. I started thinking about all the fun and frivolous gifts I will give and get this year and suddenly wondered what all the fuss is about. Really?

I 'm not sure how this ah-ha moment will affect my Christmas spirit. I was already trying to think of ways to really give something of significance this year. I decided to write letters to add to the gifts I give a few people. I want to tell them how much they mean to me and how I feel Christ has used them in my life. Our little family had also already decided to add a Christmas Eve Service to our tradition... Something Rob's family has always done as they are catholic, but something I have never done away from them. There are several Baptist churches who selflessly offer such services. And most importantly, I am going to sit down tonight and read the story of the crucifixion to my kids and tell them again about the greatest gift ever given.

This year as I make my last minute mall-runs and trips to Target at 10:30pm, I hope my "ah-ha"moment (courtesy of an angel parading as a late night Wal-Mart shopper) will help me to remember the greatest gift ever given and live accordingly.

Merry Christmas my sweet blog family! I hope you and yours take every opportunity to come closer to the Father during this and every season! See you in blog land next week!

Red Velvet Cake

Thank you for all the birthday greetings blog family! When your birthday is one week before Christmas it is hard on your friends and family. I know this as I have friends with Christmas time birthdays. It is hard to get past the holly-daze to celebrate. btw HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUSAN !!!

In the midst of all the hustle and bustle of the season it is hard to carve out a little time to just celebrate a birthday. My family and husband have always been very good at this though. They always pull something together even though life is crazy. For the past three years my family has bought a red velvet cake as my birthday cake.
I like Red Velvet cake, sort of. My cousins Ashley and Maria LOVE red velvet cake. Ashley makes the best and prettiest I have ever eaten. I like HER red velvet cake.

Saturday morning Kolby asked me "Mommy do you really like Red Velvet cake?"
I thought to myself...What do I say? Did they already buy a Red Velvet cake? Do I tell her the truth?
So semi-selfishly I said "I like red velvet cake. "
"But is it your FAVORITE CAKE?" she asked wide eyed
"Uhhhh, welllll it's not exactly my favorite cake."
Gasping in disbelief "It's not your favorite???? Daddy said you loved Red Velvet cake!"
Before I could respond, at the top of her lungs Kolby yelled "DDDDAAAADDDDDDYYYYY! Mom doesn't even like Red Velvet cake." and runs out of the room.
"Kolby I didn't say that....."I said as I attepmted tocatch her before she crushed my husbands sweet attempt to honor me.
Too late.
On the kitchen counter, beside a vase of a dozen long stem pink sweetheart roses, sat a Red Velvet sheet cake with "Happy Birthday Stephanie" piped in red on the cream cheese icing.

There are moments in life that define us. That moment, I hate to say, defined me in a very unflattering way. Once I saw that the cat was out of the bag and the cake was again Red Velvet, I hastily made the wrong decision to stand my ground.
Rob "You don't like Red Velvet Cake?"
Me " Well no, not really."
Rob "I thought you loved Red Velvet cake!!! You make them all the time."
Me "Honey, I have never in my life made a Red Velvet Cake"
Rob "Are you sure? I thought you made one every year!"
Me "That's Ashley who loves them and makes one every year."
Rob, deflated and confused, "How in the world did I get you and Ashley confused?"
Me "I don't know, but I love the fact that you get me a birthday cake every year and the roses are beautiful!!!"
Rob "I couldn't find yellow roses"
Me "Why would you want yellow roses? Pink are my favorite."
Rob " PINK are your favorite? "
OOOOppps!
Me " Yeah"
Rob " So what is your favorite cake? "

Eight years later and Rob and I are still discovering new things about each other every day! Ain't life grand!:)

And to answer that last question... I love carrot cake (especially from McKays in Abilene). I love Swiss chocolate cake with divinity icing. I love butter cream cake or chocolate cake with butter cream icing. AND I love cookie cakes from the mall! How about you?

PS And OH YEAH ...CHEESECAKE!!!!

Today I believe...

Today is my birthday.
I am 35.
GULP.
Both my parents called me today (from across the street) to say it seems like just yesterday that they got a two week early Christmas present in the form of a 7 pound, pink, bundle of non-sleeping, wide-eyed girl! (That was one of my few early arrivals in life!) Sweet to think about my parents having me as a baby all those years ago.

I got the following from a friend recently in a forward. Despite my loathing of forwards, I liked this one. It is pretty "Chicken Soupish" but, I now know how I'm going to answer my kids when they ask about Santa. I hope you all enjoy! This season is so much brighter when we believe. Merry Christmas!

BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS
I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma. I was just a kid. I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day my big sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even dummies know that!" My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to her that day because I knew she would be straight with me. I knew Grandma always told the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot easier when swallowed with one of her "world-famous" cinnamon buns. I knew they were world-famous, because Grandma said so. It had to be true. Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites, I told her everything. She was ready for me.
"No Santa Claus?" she snorted...."Ridiculous! Don't believe it. That rumor has been going around for years, and it makes me mad, plain mad!! Now, put on your coat, and let's go." "Go where Grandma?" I hadn't even finished with my second cinnamon bun yet.
"Where" turned out to be Kerby's General Store, the one store in town that had a little bit of just about everything. As we walked through its doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars. That was a bundle in those days. "Take this money," she said, "and buy something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the car." Then she turned and walked out of Kerby's. I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my mother, but never had I shopped for anything all by myself.
The store seemed big and crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping. For a few moments I just stood there, confused, clutching that ten-dollar bill, wondering what to buy, and who on earth to buy it for. I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends, my neighbors, the kids at school, the people who went to my church. I was just about thought out, when I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker.
He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs. Pollock's grade-two class. Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he never went out to recess during the winter. His mother always wrote a note, telling the teacher that he had a cough, but all we kids knew that Bobby Decker didn't have a cough; he didn't have a good coat. I fingered the ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy Bobby Decker a coat!
I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked real warm, and he would like that. "Is this a Christmas present for someone?" the lady behind the counter asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down. "Yes, ma'am," I replied shyly. "It's for Bobby." The nice lady smiled at me, as I told her about how Bobby really needed a good winter coat. I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag, smiled again, and wished me a Merry Christmas.
That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat (a little tag fell out of the coat, and Grandma tucked it in her Bible) in Christmas paper and ribbons and wrote, "To Bobby, From Santa Claus" on it. Grandma drove to Bobby Decker's house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever officially, one of Santa's helpers.
Grandma parked down the street from Bobby's house, and she and I crept noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk. Then Grandma gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered, "get going." I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the present down on his step, pounded his door and flew back to the safety of the bushes and Grandma. Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for the front door to open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobby.
Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent shivering, beside my Grandma, in Bobby Decker's bushes. That night, I realized that those awful rumors about Santa Claus were just what Grandma said they were: ridiculous. Santa was alive and well, and we were on his team.
I still have the Bible, with the coat tag tucked inside: $19.95. May you always have LOVE to share, HEALTH to spare and FRIENDS that care... And may you always believe in the magic of Santa Claus!

The Christmas CARD

Ok. So, I said I wasn't going to do Christmas Cards this year. But last night we got this priceless shot of our two angels and I couldn't resist. Here is our 2004 Christmas Card Picture... NOT! (I feel so 80's saying that) Though it was tempting to use this shot, I didn't want to hear the Grands rantings!
Actually, I scanned my real Christmas Card picture into the Digital Photo Center at Walmart and my cards were done in under an hour! WOW!!! And just $32 for 80 ...REALLY WOW!!! I think I will procrastinate every year! :)

Degrees ...

"I'm usually a 69 girl myself, but lately that's not good enough. I asked Rob to crank it up, but he just says 'put a blanket on it'. I need more than a blanket."

Yes, I said those exact words in mixed company. I was participating in a conversation about how cold it has been at night lately. My friend said that her heater is always on 72 degrees at night. I made the above comment. Apparently it was during a conversation lull at the other end of the table and only my comment was heard. No amount of shock or commands to "Get your mind out of the gutter" could erase the image my words painted nor silence the laughter that followed. 69 degrees I meant, 69 degrees!!! I had to laugh at it myself .

If you ever visit us and hear "Hey, 69 girl!", the blushing one who turns to answer will be me.

Tuesday night Rhett had a few degrees of fever. Alain decided not to bring McKenna Wednesday. I called and got an appointment with our beloved Dr. Kemper at 4:30 PM and we had an easy going day. I almost called to cancel the appointment because Rhett's fever was gone and, besides a nasty cough, he was his old rough and tumble self. But at the last minute, I decided to go. Imagine my shock when Dr. K ordered a blood /oxygen reading, and a chest X-ray... Yep, Rhett has Pneumonia... the "walking" kind (what ever that means). Guess I'm glad we went ahead and went in.

Nothing brings me crashing back down to reality faster than my child being sick. Instantly the calendar clears as my role in life becomes crystal clear... I am a professional Mom. So today I am not worried about Christmas cards, or wrapped presents. My only agenda is to make homemade chicken noodle soup, get all the breathing treatments in, keep the sippy cups of orange juice flowing, and make sure my little boy is rapidly on the road to recovery.

In a way, I cherish these days even though I HATE that Rhett is sick. Days like this make me feel very, very blessed. First and foremost, I am blessed to have a heavenly Father who hears my plea to heal my child. We are blessed in that our children have always just had temporary illnesses, nothing terminal or long term. We have a great doctor who we adore and who adores us. (Dr Kemper is the BEST!) We have good medicine, a warm comfy house, plenty of good food, and I have the privledge of staying home with our kids. For all that, I am thankful to the nth degree! Rob and I are truly blessed.

Nothing makes my days brighter nor my heart fuller than to know and see how blessed we are. It motivates me to do better and be more... Not from guilt, but from gratitude. God is very good. I hope to do some degree of good in my life to thank Him for His unfailing goodness.

Blessing to you blog family! May this season bring you many degrees of hope and gratitude!

Slackers Rule...

I FORGOT TO DO CHRISTMAS CARDS THIS YEAR!

Really! Somehow it just kept slipping my mind. Today is December 15th. Is it too late? Should I even try? Maybe I'll just post some pictures on my blog and e-mail everyone a link? Somehow I'm not sure that would fly with the grandparents. Besides I have this huge photo album of all the Christmas card pictures we have received over the last eight years. I would hate not to be able to add my own kids to this years pages. So maybe we will do "Happy New Year" cards instead.

I used to have all this holiday stuff done by Thanksgiving. It seems I enjoyed the Holidays a lot more then. What happened to that super organized girl? I want to be her again! It all started when I slept in the morning after Thanksgiving and skipped all the sales, it's been down hill ever since. I am learning the hard way that Christmas comes whether you're ready or not. I think next year I will try to do all this a little earlier!

Hope all of you are leaps and bounds ahead of Christmas. If not...take heart ...my new mantra is "SLACKERS RULE THIS YULE!" Care to join me in that?

The old songs

Yesterday morning I did not go to church. This sinus infection is just not lifting. On the days I miss church, I find myself trying to have my own church of sorts. Sometimes it is an unconscious thing. Yesterday, I was doing some laundry and unpacking the Christmas village when I realized I was singing "When I survey the wondrous cross." I think I was four when I first remember singing this song. I don't think we have sung it recently at Crestview. But there I was in my PJs in the dining room singing it.

The old songs eventually surface no matter how long they have been dormant in my mind. "When Peace like a River" and "Earnestly Tenderly Jesus is Calling" surfaced yesterday morning to. Now, no one loves the "new" songs like I do! Zoe and WOW and many others blare from my speakers in the van, the living room, eveywhere... But sometimes the old songs are just as good at centering my soul. Reminds me of an old girl scout song. "Make new friends but keep the old, some are silver and the other's gold." The older I grow, the truer these word ring.

Listen to a golden friend today, and go give it your all!

When I survey the wondrous cross,
On which the prince of Glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,
Save in the death of Christ, my God;
All the Vain things that charm me most,
I sacrifice them to His blood.

See, from His head, His hands, His feet,
Sorrow and love flow mingled down;
Did ever such love and sorrow meet,
Or thorns compose so rich a crown.

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small;
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.

Butterflies

I have butterflies in my stomach tonight.... Sadistic cramp causing butterflies at that! (maybe it's Z-pack side effects)

Rob's first day at L3 is tomorrow. He is sleeping like a baby, but I am a ball of nerves! You would think that I am the one with the new job. I am nervous for him. Things will be very different, at least for a while. Rob is used to being the boss with the big corner office. Now he will be a worker with a desk. He is used to coming and going at will and working 60 hour weeks. Now his hours are from 7:30 to 5:30 with every other Friday off. The weight of keeping the branch afloat is off his shoulders, which makes this career move completely worthwhile. It was time for Rob to leave the bank and I know he will do great. I'm just nervous for him.

So say a prayer for Rob in his brand new career. Pray that the transition to L3 is all good and that he can quickly tie up some loose ends with his broker licenses. Starting over again . . . Here we go!

Thank you for...

Thank you for Z packs, Robitussin DM, Allegra, and Saturday hours at Dr Ralston's Clinic.

Thank you for my parents living across the street and watching my kids so I could go to the doctor.

Thank you for the nice young man at Hobby Lobby assigned to me by the manager to "assist me" in the store after Rhett knocked our shopping cart on it's side in the midst of his worst melt down ever.

Thank you for the guy at the Cingular Store who switched my brand new cell phone that dropped all my calls, even though the rude lady at customer service (who had me on the phone for over an hour today) said it could not be done.

Thank you for Rob finally getting home tonight at 6 after being gone for basketball since yesterday.

Thank you for Kolby not being hurt beyond a little bruise when she accidentally did the Nesttea plunge off her bed today. It scared me.

Thank you for letting this day/week finally be over!

So, how was your day??????????

Bright lights, Big Pity

This is an open letter to whomever it is that manufactures C7 and C9 Christmas Lights....

Dear Sirs, (women would never make purple string holiday lights)

I want to congratulate you on another successful season. You must be very proud of yourselves for it is only December 8th and 98% of your products have disappeared from the store shelves. Being that your product is seasonal, this must be great news for you.

I am writing to make a small suggestion. I have noticed that by December 1st many stores have completely sold out of Clear or White size C7 or C9 lights, at least all the stores in a 50 mile radius of my house. However, the multi-colored lights and the purple lights are still stocked by the truck load. You may not know this but, purple really isn't a Christmas nor Hanukkah color. It may be a Kwanza color, but I am too old to have studied such things in school. When I was little we just studied Christmas... You know, that holiday we aren't allowed to study in school anymore. Even so, I have never seen a house decorated with purple lights for Kwanza or any other event. It just might save having your product clearanced for fifty cents if you cut down on the purple light production.

Speaking of production... You know those clear or white lights I mentioned? You might double your profits and sales if you doubled you production of those! For three years I have tried to by clear C7s for our house. This year I broke down and bought the last 5 boxes of clear C9s at Walmart on November 28th. And you might want to make a few more replacement bulbs too! One of my 5 boxes had a broken bulb. Six stores and two weeks later I am to the point of thinking I should borrow a bulb from someone else's yard! AND if you would make more replacement bulbs, we could by the purple strands on clearance and replace all the bulbs with clear. (I actually have a neighbor who did this last year. )

And speaking of neighbors... Many neighborhood associations only allow white or clear lights to be hung from the house. Yes, I know it is creatively stifling to some, but such is life. Because of this you would think white or clear lights would out number the other lights 2 to 1 in the stores...but no. Have you ever heard of a neighborhood association demanding houses be lit with purple lights, or even red or blue or green or even multi-colored lights? If there is such a place, could you send us all their white and clear lights? We will gladly fork over all the purple ones littering our stores. Just a thought.

Thanks for your consideration of this matter.

Sincerely,
The grumpy Wife of an un-lit house!

PS If you would get together with the people who make those little clips that neatly attach the lights to the house and the people who make the little light stakes for the yard...you could make a killing by making sure they up there production too!

An addict?

"Honey, I think you are becoming addicted to the computer."

That is what Rob said Monday night before last when I left the dinner table to use the rest room and he found me in our room on eBay thirty minutes later. I laughed it off at the time and he did too. However, there was enough truth in what he said that it bugged me. I kept asking myself ..."Am I addicted to the computer?"

Between blogging, eBay, ordering on-line, doing invitations and announcements as a little business, and all my church and PTA volunteer computer generated projects, I do log a hefty amount of computer hours. I am to the point that the computer is my newspaper, my mailbox, my scrapbook, my journal, my recipe book, and my phone book. I never hand write anything anymore. I have become very dependent on my trusty old Gateway! So, I decided to test my computer dependency remembering Pam Money's wise words (though it was in reference to kids and TV) "The easiest way to see if there is a problem is to try to give it up."

So I didn't blog for a week. I did read a blog here and there and make a few comments, but I limited myself to 15 or 20 minutes at a time on the computer with the kitchen timer. I have to admit the first day or two I caught myself sliding in the chair in front of the computer just out of habit. But after that, it was actually easy to stay away because this is truly such a busy time of year. I got a lot more done around the house. I don't think my computer habit is a true addiction, but it is something I will be limiting more in the future.

Have any of you had that happen? Suddenly realize you were spending far to much time and thought on something? It happens so easily. I think it is really easy for a stay home Mom like myself to get a little computer happy. It is an "always on" outlet, an escape, a way to shop in your PJs, a way to connect with others without leaving the house..or the children. All these things are good, but could be bad. Too much of a good thing (aside from God and his redemptive love) is usually bad.

We like to think that some things we do don't matter and that our time is our own. Truth is, really everything we do matters. In "The Five People You Meet in Heaven"Mitch Albom wrote that "there are no small decisions in life." I loved reading this book because it so brilliantly showed how one ordinary mans life was deeply and extraordinarily woven into the lives of so many. (The movie shown on ABC last Sunday was great, but I still liked the book better.) As of late, I have not been good at budgeting and spending my time wisely . Thankfully, my husband's playful comment reminded me of this. There could have been less kind reminders.

So after today I will aim for quality over quantity on this blog. I would love to hear all of your thoughts on this subject. I'll be in and out of blog world this week as I still don't have all the Christmas decorating and wrapping finished. Christmas is lots of work, but it's fun work. :) I hope all are enjoying this season and being able to reflect on the God given blessings of this wonderful thing we call life. Blessings!