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SNOW DAY!!!

 
 
 
 

LOVE TRUMPS EVIL

For the last almost 4 years there has been unfinished business in my community. In the last two weeks, that business has been taken care of FINALLY. Over the years I have cried many tears and spent many, many hours wondering, debating and brainstorming the  hows and whys of this case while praying that God would give proof of what we already knew in our hearts.  I, the person who cannot stand bumper stickers at all, have had a blue Justice For Kari sticker on both of our cars, and can't bring myself to reove them. I have blogged, visited true crime blogs, commented, battled mean comments, talked for hours about the details and prayed, and prayed, and prayed some more.  As strange as it sounds, I have seen and felt God's hands throughout this case.  I have gained friends and discovered heroes. My faith in the justice system was sorely tested, then soulfully reaffirmed.  It has been a long journey, even for a virtual bystander like me. To think of the toll this has taken on Kari's best friends and family... I just cannot imagine. BUT Kari's parents are AMAZING people of faith.  I am embedding the last  few minutes of the trial video below because I want anyone who cares to be inspired to get to watch what Linda Dulin says to her former son-in-law. It brings me to tears, makes me want to stand and cheer, and just humbles me that God is so good.  So if you have some kleenex ready, take a peak. Warning though, it will stick with you for a while.

Linda starts at 7.50 minutes in and talks for about 6 minutes. As I said, she is just amazing because her God is amazing!

LOVE TRUMPS EVIL!!!


If you can not see the video, this is what she said:

I am talking to you Matt today. Ok? You have not looked at me in almost four years. Can you look at me today for a little while? OK?

We were so blessed to have Kari in our lives for 31 years. And how she loved us. She loved her brother, me, her father, her extended family, and Matt, Matt SHE LOVED YOU. But more than anything she loved her girls. Her love for Kensi, Kassidy and Grace was engraved on her soul, on her soul. And then you took her from us Matt. You discarded her like she was yesterday’s trash.

You murdered the mother of your children and I still can’t wrap my head or my heart around this. And you left so many other victims. The people in your churches who want to believe that the, the person leading them truly is a man of God. Your family, your, your family Matt, your friends, the people who believed in you… You really can’t look at me, can you?

But the most tragic victims Matt, the most tragic victims are Kensi and Grace, those sweet, sweet babies. You took their mother and then you fed them lies Matt. You fed them lies and then you erased her from their lives. But thank goodness this journey doesn’t end here because this isn’t going to be about heartache. You see Matt you were never going to win this one. You’ve spent your life manipulating and preying on innocent people. But love trumps evil. Do you hear me? Love trumps evil.

And we have God’s promises to lead us through this and remind us that he is bigger than any crime you committed, even murdering our precious child. And Kari’s faith has put her smack dab in the middle of paradise. And we are going to spend eternity with her. And you can separate us for this short time, but I already know what it is going to be like when I see her again. And she is going to come running towards me and she is going to jump in my arms and knock me over and just smother me with kisses and that’s… I can wait for that. And just as Kari’s faith has assured where she is right now, our faith has sustained us. And you see, God’s told us he will never forsake us, and he hasn’t. We have felt his arms around us through out this entire ordeal and no act in this world can take our joy. We still have that Matt. You did not rob us. We have had family and friends and strangers walking with us and we are so very blessed. We are blessed.

So what do we do now? Well first, we thank God for bringing us here to this place, and for this jury. Thank you so much. But next Jim and I commit our lives to Kensi and Grace. To helping them heal. To giving them back their childhood and their joy. We can’t give them back their mother, but we want more than anything else in this world for them to be whole and healthy. You poisoned them and you taught them to hate. But it won’t last. It won’t last. But in order to give them back their love, in order to give them back their joy, then we have to extend that same grace that has been extended to us.

You have to spend many years in prison. What you did was horrific. It was horrific Matt. And I believe you are capable of much more evil.

However in order to heal, in order to point the way for our own granddaughters, in order to show God how grateful we are then we have to step out and forgive. So we do. We forgive, because that’s the only way Matt. The only way that love that makes the way, so that eventually, eventually just as in this case.. LOVE TRUMPS EVIL. That’s all.

The Matt Baker Murder Trial

If I start talking about this it might be June before I'm able to stop. So I'm going to try to keep it short...or shortish. 

The trial started this week. On our TV it is on channel 132. You can watch it live on centraltexasnow.com. The Waco Trib has a reporter there giving updates every 10 to 15 minutes on their news blog... bless her heart. 

The last two days, I have accomplished next to nothing because I have been glued to this trial. But thank goodness for DVRs and minute to minute news blogs, I'm trying to go about my day just checking in from time to time.

Just the fact that this case being tried is a bit of a victory. There were those who said that this case would never see trial. Not enough evidence, too much time had passed, no proof.  Luckily there are enough people in the world who still believe in doing what is good and right no matter what the odds or predictions say!  Now Matt Baker is being tried in front of a  jury of 12 people who will listen to all they are allowed to hear and make a judgment that will decide his fate, and all the fates that were tangled up together with Kari's death. 

I said this was a victory...but to me it doesn't feel that way because it is such a tragic case. I have spoken about this so many times before on this blog. I have had a link to my friend Shanon's blog that is devoted to the case over there to the right for about two years or more. If you have been here long, or know me at all, you most likely know how I feel about this case.

Still I can not capture with words the dulling pain I feel watching this trial unfold. I don't feel anger or indignation anymore when I see Matt Baker. I just feel a deep sad. Sad that Matt took Kari away from her family. Sad that he has hurt those girls by taking away their mother and trashing their memories of her. Sad for Kari's parents who I have come to love and truly admire over the years. Sad for the many family members and friends that will always feel a ting of totally irrational but unshakable guilt for not saying ____ or doing ____ even though it would have been a crazy thing to do or say at the time... The "if onlys" are so overwhelming in this case!!!

I find myself wondering how Matt Baker ticks. How can a man with a masters in divinity from Truett Seminary lie, cheat, harm and just live like he has?  How did the devil get such control of over him? Is there a soul so dark that God can't get to them? I want to say no, but thinking about Matt Baker.... All I know is that the truth will set everyone free... free to heal anyway. I've been praying for him to just confess for years. I'm sorta naive that way.

So this trial is what is taking my mind this week, not to mention a HUGE percentage of my prayers!

Please pray for this trial to end with a clear verdict of truth and for the families involved to be set free to heal.

Back blogs about this:
http://skegreport.blogspot.com/2007/09/no-justice-on-earth.html
http://skegreport.blogspot.com/2006/04/no-man-is-island.html
http://skegreport.blogspot.com/2006/04/thankful.html
Expressing myself on Shanon's blog:
http://dontevengetstarted.blogspot.com/2008/04/what-does-that-little-sticker-mean-to.html

Happy New Year

Happy New Year from our little family to you! 

Merry Christmas

These are our Christmas cards. Someday I am going to mail them. Merry Christmas!

Santa!

A Little Christmas

Be still My Soul

The other day I had my blog's Holiday playlist blaring from the computer when Chris Rice's Instrumental version of Be Still My Soul came to the top of the shuffle list. (It's #3) Kolby said "That one is pretty, but not really Chirtmasy. Did you put it on there on accident?"
No Kolby, I didn't.
If there is ever a time in the year when I feel the need to be still, it is in the month of December. So overwhelming is this season for me! You know the hustle and bustle we all get caught up in no matter how we try to slow down and take it all in. The parties, the presents, the lists, the decorating, the fight to get it all done... I love it and don't love it all at the same time.  Sometimes it seems the good and bad of life are amplified by this season and I get all jumbled up inside.  So Yes. In the midst of Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire, Frosty the Snowman, and Santa Clause Coming to Town, it's good to Be still My Soul.

Christ was born to save a fallen world. Maybe that is why both the best and the worst can be so clearly seen this time of year. So if you are overwhelmed with joy or sorrow this Christmas Season, Be Still.

Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise On earth, be leaving, to Thy Lord on high; Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways, So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye. Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine!

Merry Christmas!

A Puppy for Christmas

That's right! We did it! Rob and I finally agreed to be dog owners again. The kids have wanted a puppy ever since Berkley died. I just was not ready. And frankly neither were my kids. BUT I think Rhett and Kolby are old enough to share the responsibilities of pet ownership. So this year when Rhett said Mom all I really want for Christmas is a dog, I couldn't think of a reason to say no. After lots of research and internet searching we found our puppy. She was in Northern Arkansas so it was a beast of a trip to get her! But I took the kids out of school and we got to spend two nights with good friends on the way so it wasn't so bad. So here she is. Our little "Lady." Merry Christmas to us! :)

Beauty is in the Eye of the Be Holder

Yesterday we found out that Kolby was one of four 6th graders from her school to advance to the next level of PTA's National Reflections Contest. We of course are so proud her for entering and her creativity. She did a great job taking and editing her picture. And YES, she did it all on her own. (As her Mom, it's OK to toot her horn.. Right? :)

The theme this year was "Beauty is..." Students could enter their original works of Literature, Visual Arts, Photography, Film Production, Music Composition, or Dance Choreography. In 5th grade it was a grade for Venture students, but in 6th grade it was voluntary. Here is the photo Kolby entered and the required artist statement she wrote to go with it.

Required Artist Statement:

Beauty Is In the Eye of the “Be” Holder

My photograph is titled “Beauty Is In The Eye Of The “Be” Holder.” In this picture my little sister is holding the word “be”. There are two different types of beauty reflected in this picture.

First, the eyes of my little sister are beautiful to me. I always wanted a little sister but my parents wanted to stop after my little brother was born. I kept praying for a sister, and I was so happy when she was born. She is a beautiful little girl with light bluish green eyes.

The second way I see beauty in this picture does not have to do with looks. There is beauty in the fact that someday my sister will be able to choose whatever she wants to be. My sister holds the power “to be” in her little fingers just like she is holding the word. All little girls have that power. In other times and in other countries, little girls did not have the choice to be what they wanted to be. I think that it is very special that we have the choice to be whatever we want to be.

There is beauty in my sister and beauty in the power to choose what you want to be. That is why I choose to take a picture that says “Beauty Is In The Eye Of The “Be” Holder” for this project.

We are so proud of you Miss Kolby and feel blessed to be your parents!

For those who haven't known us long, you need to read this post (skip down to the highlighted part) to understand part of why I'm so proud of Kolby.  She's come a long way baby!

Christmas Puppy!

We are getting a puppy for Christmas this year! Actually the kids and I are leaving to get her tomorrow after school. She is in Northern Arkansas. We will stay with my friend Susan 2 nights in Little Rock and hope to be back home Saturday night.

The attached picture was taken by the current owner on 11-28-09. The puppy is a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel who will be 10 weeks old on Thursday. Isn't she adorable!!! Those big eyes just did me in. We are all over the top excited, the kids especially!

We have a long list of names for her but have decided not to name her until we have her home. Rob is working on his last final of the semester this weekend and won't be going with us. Wish me luck as I will spend 18+ hours driving with 3 kids and a puppy this weekend. Come back to see more puppy pics soon!

My Playlist is back!

Somehow I lost my playlists in November.
But now they are found!  The Holiday one will play automatically but the everyday one is there too if you want it.
I have missed my Music!

Reilly: A Thanksgiving reunion

For my 3 friends who are not on face book but who might check this blog...This is a great story.
Happy Thanksgiving!
P.S. GET ON FACEBOOK!
Reilly: A Thanksgiving reunion

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Happy Thanksgiving Pilgrims!

15 Years

This is a post about this day 15 years ago.
15 years ago today was not a relief.
It was not what I prayed for.
It was hard.
And sad.
My heart broke in ways I had not expected
And I was angry that she was gone.
Angry that she had to live all bottled up in that body that didn't work for 10 years.
Sad that people who saw her didn't really understand.
They didn't, no they couldn't, know her.
She couldn't easily show how smart and funny she was.
You had to invest in her first.
You had to be with her and give up what you expected of this little girl.
At first glance it seemed like a hopelessly unbalanced relationship
and it was.
But not in the way I expected.
Being around her I was privileged to learn her quiet truths.
She loved deeply and was loyal.
Her wicked sense of humor was so real and present that I had to laugh
despite the crazy circumstances
or occasional foul smells
that came with being around her.
I knew then,
but not as much as I do now,
that I was one of the lucky ones.
No not lucky,
just very blessed.
Not many got to lay lulled beside her singing songs,
playing with strands of golden hair,
praying she was falling asleep,
only to be jolted to the reality of her sudden escape
by the harsh onslaught of water beds waves!
Or while feeding her
Look away for just a second
and be reminded how fast she was
as bits of food
flew across the room.
Time with her was seldom boring. 

A better example of a Godly family
could not be found.
I got to see it up close.
Truly blessed I tell you!
I don't think everyone knew how much love
her mother poured into her
or how much sleep she lost in the process.
But that Mom was a constant fortress,
standing tall to meet every obstacle
never considering how much easier it would have been
to sit a few battles out.

Not many saw how her brother struggled to love
in the face of the injustice of
his baby sister's condition
and all that her struggles meant for his life.
Smart, cool, quiet, very competitive
easily embarrassed.
He tried to look bored or annoyed,
but he loved her so much that
he couldn't help but show it.

Her Daddy loved her intensely.
When he looked at her I often wondered if he noticed
that she had "issues."
He was fun, loving, and sincere.
Did he realize how damaged his daughter was?
He treated her like she was
the greatest little girl
in the world
and he was content with her.

And then there was the baby.
Oh he was a joy! Born in the thick of it.
Made his Mama lay in bed for months,
which was harder on her than anything.
He was a mess at times, but overall
he was a happy, smiling,
toe head boy who had no idea that his sister
or her circumstances
should be any other way.
Everyone loved that sweet boy!


They were a great little family and they made me,
and many other sitters who came to help,
feel like we were a part of the family.
I loved being around them.
I loved their little girl.
And then, she was gone.

Her death should not have been the shock it was to me.
Given her circumstances, most expected death.
I didn't.
It had been bad before, really bad,
but she got better.
That day she didn't.
I knew it was serious.
I only left to take an algebra test
I had to take it,
I called to check on her from school
as soon as I left class.
The nurse told me that she had expired.
EXPIRED?
Before my brain could recall what it meant
to medically expire, I blurted out
"Will she be OK?"
That poor nurse didn't know what to say.
She just told me to get there as soon as I could.
Then it hit me.
I don't remember hanging the up the phone,
or driving to the hospital.
I do remember standing in the hospital elevator
thinking that the nurse had to be wrong
until the steel doors opened to
tear
stained
faces.

Even after seeing her parents tell her lifeless body goodbye
as she lay in the hospital bed,
I still didn't get that she was gone.
The shock set in,
but the tears and pain didn't come until later
that night
at the funeral home.
Out of habit I instinctively reached
to feel her forehead for fever.
I was shocked at the cold and firm tissue I encountered.
In that unforgetable horrible moment,
I knew she was gone.
Fighting the pain that suddenly ripped my heart open
I fought not to jerk my hand away from her.
Tears streaming I mouthed the words I felt her mom needed to hear.
I didn't lie.
She did look beautiful and peaceful,
but it wasn't Megan anymore.
She wasn't there.

A few minutes later a well wisher
who didn't really know her,
but knew of her and how hard her life had been
suggested to me that we were all better off.
The pain gave birth to an anger so intense
that it strained all my 24 years of will power
to keep from popping her in the jaw.

I had never felt grief and anger so intensely intertwined as I did that day.
My anger reached past the woman at the funeral home all the way to Heaven.
How could he take her?
She was only 10!
She wasn't supposed to go!
How could he do that to her parents and her brothers?
If it hurt me, a sitter, so deeply,
what would it do to her family?
How could he let her slip away from us like that?
On a Tuesday?
Before Thanksgiving?
Why?
I had unknowingly
and unwillingly
entered that unearthly process we call grieving.

15 years later, I'm not angry anymore. It's still so sad to me what happened that day, but time has tempered the sadness with love, gratitude, and maybe even a drop of wisdom.

That family is still incredible.
Before my very eyes I watched as God slowly but steadily stitched their broken hearts back together with the steel cables of his love and grace. They are stronger and more in love with Him than ever.

The older brother is a young father in love with his sweet wife. The hospital visits, doctors, and medical equiptment that were such a part of his childhood because of her must have had some bearing on the path he choose for his life. He is a doctor, a healing man of God.

The baby is a young man who continues to capture the hearts of those who know him. He was in an accident that could have killed him a few years ago. After the accident, memories of that painful day we lost his sister came rushing to the surface reminding me of how real the pain of loosing her was. But the baby who had grown into a fine young man fully recovered. He is still a joy.

The Mom.. what an incredible woman she is! She became a teacher and continues to weld her true grit woman of God strength into all who are blessed enough to sit at her feet. I have not been able to see her much but when I do see her, I am amazed at how she is still so young at heart and full of love and life. I am blessed to have known her.

The Daddy with the broken heart is a preacher. Always was. I don't know how he did it those first years. But he shared his grief and blended his love for his daughter into the message of God he had always carried. The message just became more real and undeniable to those who heard and continue to hear him.  My husband ans I were truly honored and blessed when he agreed to do the honors at our wedding. Again I don't get to see or hear him regularly, but I keep up with him through the world wide web and am never surprised when I hear God words to me come from him.

Over these 15 years God has taken the bitterness of losing her and laced it with the joy that special girl brought to those who knew her and the blessing of knowing how one small broken girl could come to mean so much to so many.

In 15 years I have seen that He can speak through one with few words.
He can give through one with  many needs.
He can mend through one who is broken.
He can heal through the sick.
He blesses me in ways I do not deserve
and loves me in ways I can not fathom
while assuring me that we are each worth it all.
I love Him more for bringing that sweet crooked smile into my life
and for all he has done since he took her back.
Today I smile at the memory of that sweet girl as my heart silently screams THANK YOU towards Heaven for all He has done through her.
Love you Megan!

Seperating the Twins

Ok. Not really. But growing up in San Angelo not far from ASU (Angelo State) I was very familiar with the men's and women's highrises.  I went to church really close to these two buildings and could see them from the church play ground. From the time I was a very little, I called them the twin high-risers, or the girl and the boy.

This morning they took the girl (AKA the women's highrise or University Hall) down in a big way.  They blew her up, or in, or whatever happens when a building is imploded. Here is a clip from youtube. Sorta makes me sad. Goobye old girl! Wonder if the boy will miss her?

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Never Let Go

Here's is the deal. I have not blogged much in the last year. However I come to this blog everyday because of that little playlist over there.  It's my music. I don't own an Ipod (though both my kids do) and the stereo in our house is so old I'm not even sure it works. So this computer, this playlist is my music.
This playlist is so me. I love every song for one reason or another. I used to try to organize it but a few months ago Ijust put it on random play because there is no way I can order this collection. It's a crazy mix I know. Show tunes, country, Christian, pop, rock. Today I almost added a rap thing, but nah. (Tops Drop)  There would be even more on my playlist but I am limited to what they have on the web sight. They have tons of music on Project Playlist, but they don't  have EVERYTHING because it's free. You can't get everything for free!

Anyway, I love music. I can't play a musical instrument (beyond 2nd grade piano) and my voice is just so-so. BUT nothing touches me or speaks to me like music.


Today my hear t is heavy for two moms I know.  Both are facing very different, but very heart wrenching circumstances.  When I clicked on my playlist the first song was David Crowders Never Let Go (not to be confused with Matt Redman's You Never Let Go which I also love and is on this playlist.)

The words of this song just sunk into my heart. The unspoken prayers I have been sending up for these two moms are far from answered, but this song help ease the ache I feel for them.  We serve an amazing God. When we can not see him, he still sees us. He never lets go. He will hold these two ladies who are on my heart, and he will hold onto me, through it all. Everything. He can handle life when we can't. Amazing. Blessing. Healing. Saving. Easing. Completing. Empowering. Assuring.
Thank you Father!

Here are the words to David Crowder's Never Let Go. (It's #49)
When clouds veil sun
And disaster comes
Oh, my soul. Oh, my soul
When waters rise
And hope takes flight
Oh, my soul. Oh, my soul. Oh, my soul
Ever faithful
Ever true
You I know
You never let go
You never let go
You never let go
You never let go
When clouds brought rain
And disaster came
Oh, my soul. Oh, my soul
When waters rose
And hope had flown
Oh, my soul Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul Oh, my soul
Overflows
Oh, what love, oh, what love
Oh, my soul
Fills hope
Perfect love that never lets go
Oh, what love, oh, what love
Oh, what love, oh, what love
In joy and pain
In sun and rain
You're the same
Oh, You never let go
You never let go
You never let go
You never let go
You never let go


Be blessed today knowing wherever you find yourself, HE will never let go. :)

Too many thoughts for facebook tonight...

( Please realize I am preaching to myself here. If anything, I need to heed these words more than anyone I know which is why I felt the need to write it out. I in no way want to come across like I have the world figured out...FAR FROM IT!!!)

Here are some random thoughts that won't stop rambling around in my head.  I don't want to bore my facebook friends with them in multiple status updates, so I'm going to post them here. Then hopefully I can focus on the 300 other things I need to do before I go to bed tonight. :)

The longer I live the more I believe that no politician is ever as good or as bad as they are made out to be. There is bad in the best of us and good in the worst of us.

Hate is never a good thing.

Praying for your enemies is the best thing you can do for the both of you.

When I was a Sophomore or Jr at ACU (it's all a blur!) I switched my major from Political Science /Communication  to Education/Communication. A year later I was on a committee with one of my Poly Sci profs. He asked why I switched.  I explained that the more I learned about government and politics the more disenfranchised I became. For me, politics seemed too much of an ethical mind field. I did not think I could ever be a good mother and wife if I had to devote so much time to such an occupation / field. He laughed and said I might be right, that many Christians felt politics were "too dirty" for their lives. But then he said something that has sorta haunted me all these years. He said something like "Politics may be dirty, but if all moral, ethical people decide it's too dirty and steer clear of it, who does that leave running the country?"
Ouch.
Maybe that's why I am not a fan of bashing any political figure no matter what I think of them. They put themselves out there in a place  I was not willing to go.  Holding someone accountable and questioning them is just as affective ) when it is done in a respectful manner... actually I think it is more affective. (Or is it effective?)

I don't remember who I heard say "A lady never stoops to discuss politics and religion in place of service and salvation," but I think they were right.

Most people like to label others. Far right, far left, ultra conservative, flaming liberal, Pro, anti, for, against... HOWEVER both extremes have this in common. If you want to make them mad, just decide not to take a side or wear a label. Or to really rile them up point out the good in both sides. Don't do this unless you want to feel the full wrath from both sides though. (Ask John McCain about that! )

Nothing stirs up deep emotions faster than thinking my children are being taken advantage of or threatened.

I can be nice to most all people, but it's really hard to like some of them.

Nothing is ever as simple or as complicated as I think it is.

Rhett may turn into a weather man or a climate scientist because Mother Natures seems to reek havoc on his birthday parties. Last year it was a hurricane 100's of miles away that forced us to move the day before.. this year it could be rain. Poor little guy has been up by 6:30am the last two days watching the weather and giving us bi-hourly rain chance percentage updates. :( Please don't rain Friday night!!!

I loved walkng past the butterfly garden in the Panther Patch on the way to Rhett's class meeting tonight.   It makes me happy to think Rhett gets to see this everyday and know what his Mom was doing all those months and hours last year when she helped make it. I did have to hold myself back from going out there to put the umbrellas and flags up though. OY! Letting go has never been easy for me, but I am going to do it with a smile on my face. YES. I. AM.

Few things smell better than chocolate chip cookies fresh from the oven or worse than burnt chocolate chip cookies "fresh" from the oven. We have smelled both here tonight!

I'm sorta peeved that Katherine Higel gave away what will happen on Gray's on September 24th...but sorta excited too!

I am trying to decide which Twilight book is my favorite. It's too hard.  But I do know my favorite part to read...the almost end of New Moon. Will November 20th just hurry up and get here already! :)

I will never go to bed if I don't get up and get with it.

Night, night computer!