Beth Moore prayed like me...

Thanks so much to my blog buddy Tracy who sent me to Beth Moore's blog today. If you want to read all Beth Moore said hop over to see Tracy or go to the Living Proof Ministries blog. I'm not a Beth Moore groupie, but I totally admire her. After reading her thoughts this morning , I admire her even more. This is an excerpt from her post about being a young mother.

Last night at Bible study I taught on being a mom and my mind has been swimming with memories of my girls when they were little bitty. As God would have it, a few weeks ago I happened on an old prayer journal from 1982 when Amanda was barely three and Melissa was a newborn. Those of you in the throes will not be surprised to hear that it was filled with unsophisticated requests for things like more sleep, for Melissa to adjust better to the church nursery, for financial help as I got to stay home with the girls, for Amanda not to catch Melissa's cold, for Keith and I to get along better, for him to want to go to church, for him to stop cussing (I hope you're smiling because I am), for him to...and for him to...and for him to...and for him to...and for us to get to go to a marriage conference, for me to apply what I was learning in my first Dr. Dobson book, for me to have a better disposition (I must have used the word ten times that I could find), and for me to make minutes for my quiet time because "my day goes so much better when I do." Sound familiar?

Ok I have to stop here and say WOW! For the first time ever I think Beth Moore's prayers and mine sound a lot alike. Beth Moore. Spiritual Giant and author of a gazillion "deep thought" bible studies. Yeah, that Beth Moore.When her kids were little she prayed for financial help, more sleep, kids not to get sick, to get along better with her husband and FOR HIM TO.... If I kept a prayer journal I would think somehow Beth Moore got her hands on it. But I don't keep a prayer journal, so maybe my unsophisticated prayers aren't so unique to me! If Beth Moore's prayers once sounded like mine, there is hope for me yet! But there is more. She went on to say this...

Even before I found the journal, I'd begun reliving so many of those experiences as I watched Amanda with her young family. One of the things I enjoy so much as I relive those priceless and challenging days in my memory is Amanda telling me all about her fellow mom-friends and the babies they share. Second only to seeing pictures of Jackson in his Easter outfit, I died to see pictures of Ella and Ava, his best girl buddies who were born within days of him. The pictures did not disappoint. I hang on every word Amanda says as she tells me about this mom and this baby, that mom and that baby. I can't overemphasize how rich my fellow moms made my parenting experience. Particularly one: my best friend, Johnnie. She had two boys and I had two girls and we dragged those four kids to every McDonalds in Houston just so we could finish a sentence. We taught Mother's Day Out together because we were both broke. We home-made family Christmas gifts because we didn't have the money to buy them. (We spent what money we had on our babies.) I hate arts and crafts to this day and still have burns from glue guns. That's not all. I'd decide I'd had it with Keith and I'd leave him in the morning sometimes, go to her house with my unsuspecting girls, drink a cup of coffee, get in a better mood, and be back home by the time he got off work. He'd walk in the door, ask about my day, and I'd say under my breath, "I left you today. That's how my day was." Hee hee. Somehow I'd feel some satisfaction with that, repent, then fall in love with him all over again. It was his looks.

When we lived in Fort Worth and Kolby was a baby, I had several great mom friends like this. We did everything together. Then we had our second babies, and it got harder, and then most of us moved to other towns. I still miss them! I love my friends and family here, but I miss those first mommy days and mommy friends. I didn't realize at the time how much God had blessed me with those friends. Now, I am very aware at how rich I was to have so many good christian young mommy friends. They taught me so much about being a mom, a wife and a christian, and how to do all three simultaneously. When I see young first time Moms now I pray that they too are blessed with other first time Mom friends. But Beth's lesson to me today goes on...

My point is, Moms, you've got to have you a support group of other moms. Many who are peers. Others who are just ahead of you. They will be used of God to get you through everything from the mundane to the morose. As I told my class last night, our ancient female ancestors walked to wells and rivers together to get water. Our great grandmothers quilted and canned together. We, instead, are imprisoned in our minivans driving breakneck speed, thinking a few maniacal minutes on a cell phone can replace a regular play-date where believing moms can take some time to laugh and share. I don't think it's a luxury. It's a necessity for mental (and often spiritual!) health!

Because, you see,...*No day full of dirty diapers has overtaken you but such as is common to moms.*No tantrum has overtaken you but such as is common to moms.*No "but, Mom, everybody is going!"
has overtaken you but such as is common to moms.*No "You hate me!" has overtaken you but such as is common to moms.*No child's first love has overtaken you but such as is common to moms.*No child's first broken heart has overtaken you but such as is common to moms.*No broken curfew has overtaken you but such as is to moms.*No goodbye has overtaken you but such as is common to moms.

And in reading that I realized, how much I still need my friends. I'll be honest, I haven't been the best friend. In the last few years being a good friend hasn't even been on my radar. Survival. Taking care of the kids. Attempting to keep up with the kids and occasionally the house. Being involved in Kolby's school and doing what she needed for her reading issues. Stretching dollars to meet the kids ever changing and growing needs and most of their wants. making great memories with them and cherishing every little stage. That has been my focus. Rob has focused on trying to better our finances, so I could stay home and focus on the kids. Which is all good. But is not all that is good. I not only have not been a good friend to others, I have not been a very good friend to myself.

For the last few months I feel God has been working on me. He has been reminding me of who I am aside from my family. Through Sari working all the old auto shows I used to work, I have been forced down memory lane to visit my single self and remember the goals, drive and abilities I had back then. Now at that time in my life I just wanted to find "the one," get married and have a family. AND I AM SO HAPPY I DID! But looking back I really like that girl who could fly all over the country and talk gear shift ratios and torque with Porsche fanatics, the girl who roller bladed with girl friends several times a week, the girl who took a week off to help her aunt decorate for a big Christmas party, the girl who owned a paint ball gun and played in a league, and the girl who not only taught Kindergarten at church on Wednesday nights, but took the whole class out of town for a field trip one weekend. I am that girl, but I at times she seems like a total stranger.

While pondering these thoughts of reconciling my former and present self, as God would have it, a few weeks ago I was blessed to see an old friend who I haven't seen face to face in twelve years. Unbeknownst to my friend (except that I tell him from time to time) in the twenty plus years that we have known each other God has used him to teach me more than one life lesson. This time was no different.

While I was super happy and proud to introduce him to Rob and the kids, I felt like I have become such a Mom that I'm not sure he could even recognize me. And I'm not just talking looks. I sometimes find it hard to think of much to talk about outside my kids. In talking with him and remembering the good old days, I felt sorta flat. Like I wasn't the bubbly me I used to be. I doubt he noticed or thought much of it. We had a great visit. But that visit from the past caused me to take a long look in the mirror... and I'm not at all satisfied with what I see.

In the great inspirational movie The Lion King (I loved it way before I had a husband and kids) there is a scene where Simba faces the spirit of his father after fleeing the pride lands for the safer, more lazy, bug eating life of the rain forest. In the deep booming voice of James Earl Jones, Mufasa says to Simba "You are more than what you have allowed yourself to become." That statement has been booming in my head for the last few weeks. (Sometimes in the deep voice of James Earl Jones! Do you think God and James Earl Jones could sound alike? :)

And I am working on it. I can't wrap all this up and tell you the conclusion because I don't have one. It's a work in progress. There is a lesson here, but I am still learning it.

So why write this novel length post? Why tell you all this? Because Beth Moore used to pray unsophisticated prayers. Her sharing that gives me hope and makes me feel like maybe all these things I struggle with are not unique to me. Maybe most struggles in life are universal and by sharing them we help each other. Maybe this post will help someone in their journey. Or maybe in 20 years Kolby can look back on this and learn from her Mommy's experiences. I don't know. But it feels good to share and get things out.

I also share because in reading that last paragraph I quoted from Beth Moore, I realized that over the last few years my blog friends have filled a need I have for Christian friends. So it's not face to face sharing. Blog world is no substitute the real world nor are blog friends a substitute for face to face friends. But still, we share our thoughts, our struggles, our experiences, and our love for God. We share and inspire and question and sympathize and laugh and give "blugs". That is what friends do. In a time when I haven't been that great of a friend, God has blessed me with some great friends via blog world. And I am so happy to be sharing this journey with you. So thanks for that. God is just amazing in the way he fills needs before I know I have them.

WELL... Blog break over now. Back to it!
Hope you have a blessed and happy Thursday!