There is another baby boom going on amongst my friends and family. I'm sidelined for this round of babies, and may retire from the game before "going in" again. It has me thinking about all the "what if's". Not that this will ever happen, officially we have said we are done, but if I were to get pregnant in the next year and deliver in the next 18 months...
~ I would be 40 with a four year old.
~ Kolby would be eight years older and graduating from High School before the third would be in 5th grade.
~ I would be the oldest Mom in MOPS.
~ We would no longer have a guest bedroom.
~ I would be (shudder, shudder) 54 when the youngest graduated from High School!
~ I would have children at Spring Valley Elementary for 14 straight years!
~ We would have kids in college (ACU = $$$$ = Retiring at 100) for 12 straight years~no overlap if each graduated in 4 years.
~ I would have been pregnant for 30 months or 2.5 years of my life, not including miscarriages.
~ I have two potty trained children.... dare I ever go back?
I am beginning to see why Rob is "complete" with two. Is it a woman thing to mourn the fact that there will never be another baby growing and kicking inside of you? Is it just crazy that I still look at the newborn section of clothing stores first? Do I feel this way because both of my babies seemed to be so big by six months? Am I supposed to feel at peace with this? My maternal clock is winding down and it makes me a little sad. How do you know for sure when you are "done"? Is there ever peace in that or will I wonder my whole life "what if?"
Just some of the thoughts pitter-pattering around in my head today!
Thursday, February 17, 2005
The pitter patter of ....
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19 comments:
I am in the exact same place. Part of me knows I don't want to tote a diaper bag again... or lug a car seat from one vehicle to the next. And don't even get me started on diapers! If I got pregnant right now (kind of a weird thought since I'm at work) Brandon would be 10 when the baby was born. At the same time... it might be fun... we could do it... we're not THAT old... And honestly, there is a part of me that yearns for that life growing inside me. I'm driving Josh crazy flip flopping like this. He if very content with 2. I am too... sorta.
Grace and Peace,
Kim
Hey, I am 40 with a 4-year-old! And I am DONE with a capital D. Of course, we have 4 kids... my oldest is 13. There are times I look at babies and miss that stage of life. Life with a baby was much easier than life with 4 walking, talking, "I-have-a-mind-of-my-own-and-I'm-not-afraid-to-use-it" offspring!
Oh, LOL! I know these feelings well! We're having a baby boom in my M.O.M.S. group. I have 3 kids (don't laugh) one 11, one 5 and one 18 mos. So, I guess I'm kind of in the place you're wondering about and also still wishing for another . . .
Having a 10 y/o is definitely a plus in that you have an extra set of hands when you need them (the 5 y/o helps a lot, too). As far as being the oldest mom--I'm not yet, but am one of the oldest, and it does give you an opportunity to help out the younger mommas when they need it--just 'cause you've been there as a first time mom before. As for the guest bedroom, you could have two of them share a room, or even take the extra room, and just bunk up if company comes to give the company a room (just ideas)
My husband requested that we not have any more, because I had so many more health problems with my last pregnancy, and he was worried I might not make it through another one. But OH, I always wanted 4 children. I do love being a momma. It's hard not to want another tiny hand to hold, isn't it?
Wow. Sorry for the double post. What's wrong with blogspot today?
Fast forward 3-4 years and I will probably be in your shoes. I always wanted four, but right now my 3 are such a handful! I want 4 but I want my sanity more. I get physically sick to my stomach with every new stage with ME thinking I might never get to experience this again. I worry that I will miss the opportunity to have a fourth and regret it. Still I have time on my side.
My mother's mother was 38 when she was born. The only sad thing about this was that she died when my mom was young. Although, this didn't happen with your mom and Nana did it?!
so hard to know what to do?! You seem full of energy and creativity, so I have no doubt you could do it again.
Here's how you know whether or not you're "done", in my humble opinion. Which upsets you more?
1) the prospect of NOT having another child, or
2) the prospect of HAVING another child?
I think you'll find your answer there if you really sit with it awhile. I'm definitely at the latter stage. And if I had it to do again, knowing all I know now, I'd stop at 2. But I don't, and I love them all and wouldn't give any of them back if I could ... once they're here, you can't imagine life without them. But it would be nice to have all my children in school through the week and to utilize the freedom that situation would provide. And you're almost there! It's worth thinking about ... what would you do with that time? What goals would you pursue? What do you want the rest of your life to look like, or how does God seem to be directing you? Does having another child fit into those dreams?
I think you already know how I feel, but here goes anyway...
I love babies and I still look at baby clothes too, but I am done and I am happy with my decision. I joke that I would take a baby if someone gave me one, but really, I feel like I have it made now. No more diapers, bags, bottles, etc., etc. Mark and I can divide and conquer when he is home, and when he is gone I can handle two.
You know what is right for you.
Clarissa i think you are right about the prospects... I just can't seem to figure out which scares me, saddens me, etc more. Wise words though!
And I just not as spunky & stubborn as Nana! That woman is a going to outlive us all!
I think we are done. I'm 88% sure of it... but sometimes I wonder. Did any of you who are through for good and for sure ever go through a little mourning period? I think that is what this may be.
I've been going through something similar. Here's where I am: I don't want to go through another pregnancy (mine are NOT fun), I don't want another C-section (which I would have to have), I don't want to go through the emotionally exhausting process of adoption...BUT I'm not sure I don't want another baby. Not much logic going on here. If I could just wish one here, I would do it.
I think we women know from the time we are little that we will grow up, get married and have babies. It's hard to imagine shutting the door on having babies, no matter how old you are or how many you've had.
Lately I've been feeling better about ending it with two. I like that our kids don't out-number their parents. I really like having two girls. And I worry that a third one would take away from the time and attention I'm able to give our two right now. I guess it's just a matter of getting my husband to make that appointment...
Stephanie--
yes, you totally should. That was Sam and your baby could be together. That means start NOW!
And...be sure to have a girl, cause we still want all your boy clothes!!!!
Here's something else to think about -- it's important to make sure you're identifying your feelings. Are really wanting another baby? Or are you missing the time when your children were babies? Those two might feel similar, but there is a big difference. Hope this helps.
Well, my children are grown and gone so I can be objective. I went through a phase where I really wanted another baby. I think I wanted to be pregnant and feel that life inside of me growing as much as anything. But, I made the decision when my baby girl was two to have my tubes tied. I knew I was going to be a working mom and this was all that I could handle. When they got to be teenagers I might have given one of them away if there were one more. Think of those years, think of the glorious time you and Rob can have when you are alone again. But really only you can decide what is right for you. If I could have stayed home I might have reconsidered.
God bless you in your decision.
This is such a personal decision for everyone, but I will add my 2 cents. I was probably more like 75% sure I didn't want more after my first 2, but still could not get a 3rd off my mind. I heard on some talk show something like it is better to have one baby too many than one too few. Sounds stupid, but after #3 was born, I absolutely knew I was finished. Of course, I am partly psycho because I have an empty nest now. They just grow up so quickly!
God bless you in your decision!
JB
First of all -- what a blessing to be able to DECIDE such a thing! As former infertility patients, we never dreamed of such. I just throw that in to remind all who are able to get pregnant at will to be truly grateful for that. (I know this paragraph might sound sharp or prickly in print, but I truly don't mean it as such -- just so you know! Just wanted to add that perspective. The only child we "planned" was our first, and we ADOPTED him.)
That said, I will be 42 in April, and I have a 6, a 4, and a 1 year old. (My wife turns 40 this year, by the way.) I'll be either 58 or 59 when Annie graduates from high school (I stink at math), and my wife wil be two years behind me. It doesn't bother us at all. So I'm just saying -- don't worry about calculating the age factor into things.
Bottom line -- there is no wrong choice. God will bless your family whether you have two children or three ... or five. (Could be triplets next time, you know...) After #2 came along for us, we decided not to worry about it anymore and just, uh, enjoy each other (wink-wink, nudge-nudge), and if God chose to bless us with a third, He would do so.
He did.
My vasectomy was last April. :-)
Matt~ You are so right about it being a blessing to be able to "decide" to get pregnant!
Kolby came a lot earlier in our marriage than we planned. We thought we were covered by "the Shot" at the time. We had been married 7.5 months when we learned a baby was on the way.
There were three miscarriages between Kolby and Rhett. Rhett was a "taking clomid, going to the Doctor every week for six months trying" baby. Part of me wonders if we even could get pregnant again. Part of me is scared to try.
I truly appreciate all everyone has said and will continue to say about this. I'm not sure what we will decide, but I know this is something that all families/couples deal with (on some level) eventually! It's great to hear everyones thoughts! Thank You!!!
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