Hope in the Bittersweet

For days I have wanted to post something but in the face of all that is going on in the world right now, but just can't find the right words. I feel like most of world I know is either living in collective denial or collective gloom. I really don't want to be part of either of those.

I really just want to load up my van with survival gear, trash bags, and lots of anti-bacterial cleaner and head for New Orleans and start cleaning... But I have this life here with kids, a husband, a house, a mortage, bills and several responsibilities...Though some of those responsibilities seem more like a pleasure to enjoy in the face of what is happening to so many. So no, I guess I can't abandon my family and go crusade to clean New Orleans. That makes me feel guilty. Anyone else feeling this way?

Monday was Rhett's birthday. As it was Labor Day, Rob was off and Kolby was home. We had a fun day of going where Rhett wanted, seeing a movie, and even though his birthday party isn't until next Sunday, we had my little family over for hamburgers, cake and presents. Star Wars rules the house this week. We are having so much fun and Rhett loves his presents ...But I keep feeling like we should be somewhere else helping someone. Where? I am not sure. Who? I do not know. I've felt like this around Rhett's birthday before.

Rhett was six days old the morning I sat on our couch nursing him and praising God for our first normal morning home. Then I watched the second airplane hit the second tower of the world trade center live on Good Morning America. It was September 11, 2001. The whole week before our family had been so worried about Rhett because he was in the special care nursery and gave us a real scare or two. My whole pregnancy had been a bit scary as I had several miscarriages in between Rhett and Kolby. I was never more tired or grateful when we finally got to bring Rhett home on September 10th. I thought the bad part was over...and for us personally, in most ways it was. I was so happy that Rhett was home and OK and still so sad and scared for our country and all who suffered in the 9-11 attacks. It was bittersweet.

My mom says the older she gets the more bittersweet her life becomes... Sweet as she watches her children grow and have children and bitter as she has watched her father die and her mother whittle away to a somewhat familiar stranger who lives in an alziemers unit down the road. With the events of 9-11, and now this current crisis in New Orleans, I think I understand what Mom means. Life is a combination of bitter and sweet and it is impossible at times to feel one and not remember the other.

When will life just be sweet again? When will there just be joy, pure joy without the familiar tug of sorrow for all the pain of this world? I ask these questions not knowing the answer... But here is what I hope. I hope that in an all-loving, omnipotent God I can find joy in the midst of sorrow. I hope that when the tunnel is long and the light at the end seems too dim to guide me, HE will be the light shining in me that will direct my steps. My hope comes from believing that as big as the disaster is, my God is bigger and in him all things are possible.

While life is bittersweet, hope is the shining light at the end of the tunnel fueled by faith and secured by love. At times like this, I THANK YOU Lord for giving us hope. There is a song from my youth that keeps coming to the surface this week . I find myself humming it when I am not thinking about it. It comforts me. Maybe it will comfort some of you out there in blog land too!

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.
On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.
On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.
On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.
On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

My prayer continues to be that I will be a blessing to someone who needs me today, as I have been so blessed in my life. Lord open my eyes to what I can do and give me the strength and courage to do it!