Today I am making a dessert to take to the baby shower of a person I do not know. I don't think I have ever even seen her. But her family is relatively new to our church, she just had her fourth baby and is soon scheduled to have open heart surgery. She also works full time and helps take care of her brother-in-law who has been in bad shape after almost dieing a few years ago. I think this girl deserves a shower!!!
At first when approached about this I thought that since I didn't know her I would bow out of this one...But then I got to thinking about some things Val has mentioned in his blog and some things Rob and I have talked about as of late. If my making a dessert and giving $10 towards a gift brightens her day or lessen her load...Well to me it seems that is the least I can do, stranger or not. The girls hosting the shower don't have lots of extra to give. I don't even think they know her that well. They just saw a need. Truly how often does that happen in our lives?
Does it ever seem we heap gifts and blessing on those who have more than they ever need anyway and sort of look the other way when those who truly have need aren't in our circle? Some of the biggest, most well attended showers I have helped host or attended have been for some of my wealthiest friends. Some of the smallest least attended showers have been for some of the people who I know economically needed it the most. What does that say about us as people, or as a church community or as a society?
At my church there is a big thing about not putting baby showers in the bulletin unless it is THE FIRST BABY! There are no exceptions to this rule and despite the pleas of at least two ministers on two different occasions, the policy is hard and fast. I think it is a very snotty policy that leaves people out, makes it very hard and expensive to include everyone and takes away one of the our best ways to bring ladies together for fellowship and to honor and support new moms. When I moved to Midland and Southlake I made a point to go to all the baby showers I could. I read about these showers in the bulletin and showed up whether I knew the person or not because I wanted to get to know people.
Since we moved here, I have helped host at least a dozen showers.. Most all for 2nd or even 3rd babies. Without fail we have accidentally left someone out or hurt feelings because we did not send someone an invitation. It hard not to exclude someone in a church with over 350 ladies on the role! It also makes it hard to have showers for people who are new and don't know who to invite. I wonder what this says to a new mom moving to our congregation? Or a mom who has never had a shower here? Or a mom who isn't plugged in enough to know dozens of people to invite? It would be so much easier if the church would just give a few lines in the bulletin to announce the showers. Not to just pick on my church here because I think all of have our own "snotty" policies when it comes to showers and giving in general.
After reading over this I am afraid my friends are going to think this is my way at hinting that I want a shower...But it truly is not. This is not really about me at all. It is just an example of a way I think we as Christians put boundaries where there should not be boundaries and just try to stay in our comfortable little bubble of friends and traditions. I want to do better at including people, and at least at church, giving with out prejudice when I see a need. It's going to be hard for me I confess. I'm really proud of the girls throwing this shower tonight and the ones who always help give no matter who is receiving. I want to be more like them. I'm starting tonight with $10 bucks and a a bowl of Chocolate Eclare Pudding. Wish me luck.
four things | twelve (Christmas edition)
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Does your church have some sort of email list? Maybe they would let you send info that way if they won't print it in the bulletin....
You are so right. The people who need it the least always have the biggest and best showers!
Our church has at least lightened their stance to say "the first baby since they have attended here". That is a little concession, but what if someone is 35 and has two kids, has given away everything and suddenly is pregnant. Why do we have to be so into RULES????
How's about a blog shower???
We have "baby teas" for the babies who are not 1st babies. They are usually hosted at the house of the new baby although the hostesses bring everything & supply everything just like a regular shower. There are some instances where the tea is held somewhere else. The thinking in having the tea at the baby's house is that we try to have it soon after the baby is born and is intended as a "meet the baby" time where the mom doesn't have to get the baby out if she's not ready. It also started out as "no gifts" but bring a frozen meal for the mother. Of course, it has turned into a full blown shower with gifts, which is fine. We do put them in the bulletin. I can see where people in a large church~or small church~could be left out if you had to rely on mailing invitations.
Steph,
Will see you at the shower. My second this week already and I do not like showers, but feel like you do that they are so needed and appreciated! What a good way to meet someone and show God through a small gift and time (probably our biggest gift!)
Carrie
Alas the eclair pudding wasn't going to have enough time to chill so I'm taking Snickerdoodles.
Carrie ~ The reason for my little rant today was in part becasue I missed the shower Sunday becasue I was told it would be in the bulletin. Not many invitations were sent out and then the office wouldn't let it go in. I was really hacked that I missed it! I have no idea how anyone knew about it. Maybe that e-mail thing wouldn't be a bad idea. AND I feel bad when someone new doesn't have many show up at a shower. Really, it is the very least me can do!
With your heart, you don't need luck. She's the one who is lucky to have you!
I put a bug in a few ears so that policy might be changing....
Well said Stephanie!!!! Amen!
cp
We have the "only the first baby rule" too, but with a nice little catch. Your family can use the fellowship hall to throw you a shower and invite the ladies of the church... So technically the ladies aren't throwing the shower for you, but they all attend, bring beautiful smocked dresses and ohh and ahh appropriately over everything. It's announced from the pullpit and put in the bulletin as well ~ you know, it's only right to invite them too... :) You're already 16 weeks??? Holy crap!!! So, you'll find out the sex in a month or a bit later?
I found your blog at BST's site, and really enjoy it! I had to comment because this is one of my church pet peeves... there are some things we do that make it clear who is "in" and who isn't, even though we are doing it with the best of intentions. You are so right- Often the people who aren't "in" are the ones who most need the help. So kudos to all you gals who make the effort to serve and include everyone!
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