and you don't throw a fit!
This phrase has begun to tumble off my tongue as often as the word "hello". My precious little boy is going through a stage right now that has me daydreaming about boarding pre-schools. I am truly having to bite my tongue so often that I have ulcers forming in my mouth, and close my eyes to 'count to ten' so often some may think I'm having seizures.
Rhett has a very strong will (like his Mommy, Daddy and Sister). He also has a high pitched, loud cry. In the nursery as a baby, they called Rhett "Dolphin Boy" because his cry was so loud and so high pitched. I am finding that an iron will and a dolphin cry don't mix well. Add the fact that Rhett is extremely detail oriented and a hefty 38 pound 3 year old boy and ...Well sometimes it's a caustic combination.
Take our quick trip to the grocery this afternoon. Rhett started crying in the parking lot because he didn't want to go in. I didn't really want to go in either but we needed milk so, there was no choice in the matter. After I explained this to him, he went limp in the parking lot with the dolphin scream saying "I don't want to go in! I want to stay in the van." I commandeered a shopping cart from a lady across the way and scooped the screaming blob of dolphin boy into the buggy... His cry then changed to "I don't want to ride in this cart I'm not a baby!" You probably guessed my reaction... "If you cry like a baby, you ride like a baby."
So into HEB we went. Poor Kolby was trying to walk far enough ahead of us so that it wouldn't look like we were together. I wish I could have joined her! Every aisle was a new fit of "I don't want to go down this aisle" mixed in with "I don't want ___or I want a ___" or his typical "I want the BLUE one!" all in the loud dolphin cry. (I think Rhett would drink blue milk and eat blue meat if we could find it. The boy wants EVERYTHING to be blue!#**&^%"#**&;^%)
At first I just ignored him, but when he started throwing produce out of my cart and hitting passers by, I had to do something.... But what can you really do in a grocery store? I had already taken his "one item" privilege away. He was already in the cart. My Mom says to spank, but in this day and age, a pop on the seat in a crowded store is just an invitation for CPS to come calling. So I discretely pinched his leg lightly to get his attention and said "You better stop crying now and be the fine young man I know you can be." .... That did not work at all!
It never got better. In fact it only got worse, if you can imagine! Rhett cried all the way through checking out, loading the car, dropping Kolby off at cheerleading and the whole drive home. Dolphin boy was in rare form.
Finally, with the garage door down and the car securely parked and locked, I burst from the van leaving dolphin boy buckled in with his screams. I ran in the house to call his grandmother who lives across the street."Your grandson may be spending the night in the van, unless you care to deal with him" She had tried to talk to me on my cell during the grocery store visit so she knew what was going on "I'll be right over." It's nice to have a Mom who is actually professionally licensed to work with difficult children just thirty eight foot steps away.
She walked in the door and headed for the garage. I warned her that her hearing might be impaired forever, but she marched on. I watched from the laundry room. Rhett was still in the van screaming. Mom pulled back the door and said "Hey Rhett!" That little toot stopped crying and in the sweetest little voice said "Save me Mama K" ~ Oh PuL-EEZE!!!! And then he dried up his tears and hopped out of the van like nothing ever happened.
I share this for several reasons... First, I know that there are many of you out there who can relate... at least I am hoping there are!!!. (For those of you who have perfect children who would never act this way, please "next blog" on) Any word of advice, comfort, assurance? Am I the only Mommy wondering if there is such s thing as a boarding military pre-school?-haha! How do you handle the grocery store? What do I do with Dolphin Boy? I have visions of Rhett being 19 years old, 6.4 Ft tall, weighing 240 and still crumpling to the floor crying when he doesn't get his way screaming "I want the BLUE one!!!" AGGGGG!
The other reason I share this is I had a young friend comment on how easy life must be when your married with two kids and you get to stay home. For any of you single dreamers who still think stay-home Moms sit around watching Oprah and eating Bon Bons, I am here to tell you that it just ain't so!!! Please understand that I am very blessed in my life. My husband, my kids, our house, my life are all more than I ever dreamed of...But easy? This is not easy. Truth in blogging... Being a stay home Mom is really tough at times. Today was one of those days! I can't share all the chicken soup-ish cute stories without letting you in on some of the bad. Parenting is not for cowards.
Lastly, days like today make me realize how much I need God. The last few weeks have been busy, but not really hard. Today was hard. Today I find myself on my knees praying that I will be the Mom I need to be to my son, that God will cover my shortcomings with Rhett and help him in ways I can't. Today I plead for the Heavenly Father to take over Rhett and I trust that HE will not let either of us down. How could anyone parent without God in their life? How could there ever be any sense of security on hard days like today if the creator of the Universe wasn't there to "get your back" when it comes to raising kids? I would have a lot worse than a hole in my tongue and a splitting headache if I couldn't turn to the ultimate Father on days like this, and for that I MUST praise Him!
Thank you Father God for being here with me! It's so good to know you always know what is best even when I feel lost and overwhelmed. Thank you for loving my children even more than I can. Thank you for being so patient with me, your flawed and imperfect child! ...................and could you PLEASE work on lowering that Dolphin cry ? :)
Hope you are not having one of Those days!
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On a slightly demented, hormonal, tired from sitting in class view... this would make a FANTASTIC SNL sketch... only of course if it is the 19 y/o 240 lb. Rhett. Just think of the laughs!
Praying for guidance from up above and thanks for Mama K. :)
I am so grateful for your blogs. The honest joy and the honest frustration. I have two boys, my youngest is 7 and he sounds a lot like Rhett. He is a great kid with a wonderful heart but ooooooh is he stubborn (I wish I could blame this solely on my hubby, but God has issues with lying). Because I have been there, I wanted to pass on a few words to you... I want to congratulate you for not giving in. Most times, it would be so easy to simply give in, but Rhett has to learn that he doesn't call the shots, mommy does. I know the frustration of not being able to discipline your child in public. Even stern words receive frowns, mostly from people who have never had children. My mom had a trick that I found worked wonders. It's the ear. My mom would gently grab my earlobe between her fingertips moving her mouth right next to my cheek, whisper "do you want this down to your knees?" I had visions of my ears flapping down past my knees. Now, my mom never even squeezed, much less tugged on my little ears. But, because she whispered she had my complete attention. And if your child has thrown themselves on the floor, lead by the ear, gently. The rest should follow. Now, let me say that not all strategies work for everyone. This worked for me. Again, congratulations on staying the course and being a parent who cares so very much. I will pray for you sister. It's us against them... Muwahahaha!!!
Grace and Peace
K
What a blessing to have friends going through the same thing! I have never thought about boarding pre-school, but I have wondered if Fuzzy Friends animal rescue wouldn't mind taking in a stray 3 year old (matthew!). Alas, they only want the four legged wild animals. Thomas wants all of his things being red, so he and Rhett would do great sharing an M&M's package! love ya! Elizabeth
If I weren't at work, I'd be laughing and crying with you! I HAVE BEEN THERE! Imagine, if you will, a tired 2 1/2 year old, who is up way past bedtime, in the ER for an asthma episode and who has just been given medication that makes him jittery, hyper AND aggressive. Oh, yeah. Blew Mom of the Year that night again! (...and the nerve of the ER doc asking me to control him a little better...grrr!)
Keep your chin up, and know that prayers are covering you! Blugs!
It is so good for us yet-to-be moms to hear both sides of the real life experiences of you who are in the trenches now. As much as I desire to be a stay-at-home mom someday, and that I think in my little brain that "my kids will never....", I know that I will have days as you have described. And it is good to know it up front. Thanks so much for sharing the good and the bad!
On a completely unrelated note, how do you get your comments to post date and time? I have been trying to change my template but can't seem to get the coding down. If you (or anyone else that reads this) can help me out that would be great! My email is listed on my profile page.
Eliz~ We need to let them get together and share those M&Ms soon! Thanks for commenting!
Jenni~ I have no idea about the comment thing. I think it is under the Comments tab in the templates section but I truly am not sure. I'll look and e-mail you!
When I started reading your post, I thought that your opening was a great slogan for me. I have been under the impression that fit-pitching is one of my gifts... not a spiritual gift but a talent, you know.
As I read through your story, I realized that I am not a mother for the very reasons you've mentioned. I am a wonderful aunt but probably wouldn't make a great mother. God does not give us more than we can bear. You must be a great mother to be able to get through that!
My only words of wisdom are that he will eventually turn 4 and things will get better. I speak from experience. 3 was a BAD age for Jackson, but he is back so his (mostly) sweet self. Be strong, be patient and try to not take him to HEB unless it is an emergency! I feel your pain.
When I see the long lines of weary moms & dads shopping at my Super Walmart at 10pm I know that they are there for the same reason that I am: Shopping w/o kids in tow is a LOT less stressful! I feel your pain. BTW, how is Rhett doing w/the potty? My girl is 4 mos. away from being 4 & she still REFUSES to poop in the potty. AAARGHHHHH!
Grocery store cure--no matter how badly you need the milk, he needs to learn temper tantrums will not be tolerated. you leave the cart where it is, take him out of the grocery store without saying a word--mom on a mission, and leave for home. when you get home you can spank him or punish as you wish without the cops on your back in public!
Ok to that last anon. I see your point but wouldn't that be giving in a letting him win? He didn't want to go in the store. He wanted to leave. If I left my basket and went home I would have been doing exactly what Rhett wanted to do. (Couldn't go home because I had to get Kolby to cheerleading and she shouldn't be punished for her brothers fits.) Besides I was on a schedule and I had to have milk and some other things to make dinner. If I had gone home grocery-less then I would have had to make another trip and dinner would not have been ready in time to get homework done, kids bathed and all in bed by 8:30. Truly the "just walk out thing" was not an option, but thanks for the comment. And to clarify..I am not a person who spanks a lot, but I will spank if needed, just not in public places because it sends the wrong message if you don't know the love and other things that come with the spanking.
LOL. Ok--how much did I LOVE this post?? Loved it! My friend, Daren, says, "they're never to young to spank or shake." KIDDING of course, but it's not like there are time we wouldn't love to lose control. That's not gonna happen, so instead, I've heard of offering consequences. It takes a few times before it sinks in--and that may be a few too many, but I HEAR it works well. Also--on one of our trips to Los Angeles last year we saw a child melt down in a fast food restaurant. His mom promptly took him outside where he proceeded to kick and scream and have a ful out fit. Meanwhile, she came back in (she was seated at the window) and finished her lunch with her husband and other children looking on. I wanted to stand a cheer.
For us--so far the threatening works. However Ella is different from Maddie. maddie never threw the full out tantrum complete with kicking and screaming like a lot of toddlers do. Ella does though...and does it well. The coming years will be interesting.
Learn what you can so you can pass it along to ME! How I would have LOVED to be with Martha Kate and be flies on the wall watching you that day.
While I had to laugh at the beginning comments of your blog, I completely relate! I have an almost 3 year old and he is wired to do things "his way."
What I have found that works for meltdowns in stores - I get him and leave. The first time I did, we were going in to Target - he decided he didn't want to ride in "that buggy." What he meant was none of them. He melted down and as you mentioned, the CPS threat is there, so I got him and wrestled him into his carseat and we headed home. He cried all the way home wanting to go back to Target. I told him we wouldn't go if he was going to throw fits. By the time we got home, he was much calmer, but he didn't pull that for a long time. Even if you have to get some item, get their attention and leave. You win!
Hang in there....some days are hard, but the not-so-hard ones make up for it!
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