Along came a spider

I'm not sure when it first appeared. It was just a tiny red dot, then it grew a few veiney red legs. By the time Kolby was four it resembled a tiny spider and was about half the size ofa pencil eraser located just underneath her right eye. Over the years it has grown, getting darker and more defined.

It isn't really that noticeable. People who have noticed thought it was a bug bite. I took Kolby to a Dermatologist when she was five. The doctor told us it was a spider vein that might go away on it's own...or we could "zap it" a time or two and it would most likely disappear in a few weeks. (Eveidentally "zap it "is a medical term becasue both dermatologgists used it!:) At the time Kolby didn't want to be "zapped" and I didn't think it bothered her that much . As she has grown older, it has bothered her more and more.

Towards the middle of Kindergarten, Kolby started asking to put concealer on her "spider" for dance recitals and pictures. She started talking about MAYBE getting it zapped. This last year, in first grade, the concealer was requested more and more as the spider seemed to grow a bit. Once I found Kolby trying to scrape"her spider"off with a butter knife. She only likes pictures of herself if the spider doesn't show. Around Christmas she said she was ready to have the spider zapped. We waited until this summer, mainly because it was hard to get in with a dermatologist. Yesterday was the day.

The whole way to Temple (no Waco dermatologists take insurance) Kolby was upbeat, though she admitted being a little nervous. When the nurse asked why we were there, Kolby told her "I want to get my spider zapped." We have changed insurances and had never seen Dr Barton before. He was very nice, and good with Kolby. He too said we could leave the spider alone and it would most likely be gone by the time Kolby is 12 or we could "zap" it. He said he was comfortable with whatever choice we made, but he did describe the "zap" procedure to Kolby and stressed that she would have to be still as a statue as there would be a little spark, and it would hurt like an ant bite.

Kolby freaked. She was suddenly terrified at the thought of a "spark" and pain. TERRIFIED! Like a cat trying to escape a bath, Kolby practically climbed me saying she wanted to go home. I felt sorry for her but, UUGGHH! I don't know why this frustrated me so. Maybe it was the fact that we were there and she had talked about it so long. Maybe it was the fact that I knew she would be better off having a minute of pain rather than trying to sneak concealer in her back pack for the next five years. Maybe it was that I didn't want my daughter to bow to her fear. Some of the people I love most in the world are known for letting fear paralyze them and keep them from a better life. Kolby sometimes shows these signs and I tend to over react to it....

But I stayed cool. I told Kolby it was her decision but if she decided not to zap the spider that was it... No more concealer. No more paying $50 to have it air-brushed off portraits because she didn't like it. No more trips out of town to the doctor. I told her once we got home, we would not come back until she was twelve. Yes, I was trying to get her to face her fear. But, she insisted that she didn't care about the spider being there anymore and could wait for five years or so for it to go away...so we left. The nurse told us that she would keep our chart out and that they would be there another hour if she changed her mind.

As I slowly headed home we talked about fear. Kolby talked to her Daddy on the cell phone. Still no dice. We talked about times I have had to do things I was afraid of. We talked about other fears she has faced (like swimming and stage fright) and come away so happy and proud when she didn't let feaar stop her. Kolby had been crying but she quit. Finally, I pulled over on the side of the road and said "Kolby you have wanted to do this for a year and a half. I know you are scared, but I also know you are strong and brave and I know you can do this." Amazingly, she agreed. We said a prayer as I drove back to the Doctor's office asking for courage.

I was so proud of her! She rehearsed what she was going to say to the nurse as we walked in. As we walked the long hall to the doctors office she kept saying "I can do this, I can do this." The Doctor and his staff were wonderful! They kept telling Kolby how proud they were of her. The doctor suggested I leave the room but, I let Kolby decide. She wanted me to hold her hand,so I did. She was so incredibly brave! I have never been more proud of her. As it turns out Kolby's spider was much deeper than the doctor expected. He zapped it several times. Kolby had huge tears running down her face, but she didn't move. I had a few tears too but I didn't let her see!

When it was over she was all smiles and said it wasn't that bad. Dr Barton told her that she might have to come back one more time before school starts to finish the ole spider off. She didn't even hesitate before agreeing! The best part of it all was that she was so proud of herself. She just beamed with confidence! Kolby could not wait to call her Dad and let him know that she had done it. It was a happy trip home!

I told Kolby I would buy her one treat for being so brave. She picked a dairy from the dollar store that has a lock and key. Last night after I tucked her in, I went back in her room to put up some laundry. She had fallen asleep writing in her diary.... Though diaries are secret, I don't think she would mind me telling what her first entry said...

Deer Diary
Today I got my spider zapd.
It didn't hert to bad.
I am brav. By by spider!

I feel like my little girl took an important step towards growing up yesterday! It was a very good day.

Just a side note... Rob took the kids to his parents in Denison today. I decided to stay behind and clean out the guest bedroom closet, and if I have time, my desk. If I am going to expect Kolby to face her fears, I am going to have to start facing a few more of my own. ..and believe me this is one of them!