"Not forgiving someone is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die." Anne Lamott
Mike Cope posted this quote a while back. Last Wednesday, Chris Smith had a great post about forgiveness in which he used this quote. Yesterday Brandon referred to some "terrorist" and the whole situation reminded me of this quote. Anger, furor, hate, tearing others down, jealousy these are the products of not forgiving. Not exactly fruits of the spirit.
For me the hardest part of forgiving is knowing what to do next. Do I tell the person that I forgive them, even when they aren't sorry and don't see why they should be forgiven? Do I just let it go and in my mind and know that I forgive? Do I go about my business as before? Do they have to reciprocate for it to really be forgiven? Much involved here. But this I know to be true. We are ultimately known by our deeds and actions, not by the words or accusations of others.
"By your fruits you are known." My mother has said that to me all my life. I am finding it to be true. I look at the lives of people I have known to be bitter and critical. They are sad and lonely now. I look at the lives of people who may not have had much but they always loved. They are rich with friends and family. I guess time is the ultimate test of this life, and love is the test of the next!
Have you ever had the feeling God was trying to teach you something because it just keeps coming up? Well my friends, I think God has been trying to show me that I have some rat poison in my belly. There are some people who I let push my buttons. I feel my blood start to boil just being around them. It's not the Irish in me, it's the selfishness. It's the "that's not fair" perspective. It's the "Why, I otta" complex. It is not from love. It is not from compassion. I am going to figure out how to forgive these people with out offending them and let it go. Life is too short to drink rat poison!
Anyone want to join me? Lay it out right here. Tell us (anonymously if you want) what or who it is causing a burn in your belly and leave it right here on this blog site. Leave the rat poison behind so you can seize the Blue Bell! (That may be my new mantra!)
Isle of Palms & Wild Dunes Shelling Guide
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First of all, I am angry at Purity Daries (friends of Otter Crek own them and one of my friend's jobs is actually to come up with new flavors. Please, get me that job!) for having a monopoly on ice cream in the South. These people have never tried Blue Bell and don't know what they're missing. BRING ON THE BLUE BELL!
Secondly, I just want to thank you for your heart, Steph. Reading your blog over the past few months has made me feel reconnected with you. How could we possibly be this old and have been apart from all our buds this long?
Thirdly, yesterday morning a good friend made a joke at my expense. It was probably the fact that I was already unravelled by Mr. Spiritual Terrorist. However, I have harbored some bitterness since. It's ridiculous and I know it. I just can't seem to feel resolved. I tried telling myself this afternoon outloud that I was a complete idiot. That didn't seem to help either. :)
The thing I needed to be convicted of in this instance is the use of humor and sarcasm. I can be awful. Sometimes things that sound funny inside my head just aren't funny outloud. You'd think I would have learned this by now, but I was reminded again this weekend of the painful sting that is felt--all in the name of a good joke.
I'm over it. Can you tell?
I'm with you Stephanie!
I completely understand the rat poison in the belly feelings, thoughts, emotions, and looks that can sometimes take over my entire being. I am quick to judge (going into the marriage and family buisness, not really a good character trait to have, but I am working on it, I promise!), and my attitude towards people who I don't take time to get to know or make assumptions about has cost me. It's cost is this: guilt, bitterness, petty thoughts and large attitude / chip on the shoulder manners, feelings of jealousy, greed, envy, you name it ~ I've felt it.
The "if I can't have something (currently children) then no one else should either" complex is horrible and makes me wish bad things towards whomever I see. Not horrible things, just bad, like "I hope she gets gum stuck in her hair and has a nail break, maybe even two, esp if they are freshly manicured nails..." type feelings.
We can work on it together. Reading through the OT makes me glad that I was born in the late 70's, and not any time BC! I'd've been a goner many moons ago if that were the case. Thanks to God for forgiveness and grace!
Seize the Blue Bell, or Purity, or Haggen-Daaz, or Ben and Jerry's, or Skinny Cows, take your pick! :)
Ouch! The sarcasm bit stepped on my toes. Sometimes I use it as a weapon, if I have been hurt or offended. But I agree with the "what do I do next" part. There are people who probably don't even know we are holding things against them. But the important thing is to let go and not let ourselves be poisoined by our own feelings of bitterness. Easy to sit here and type, not so easy to do. I too pledge to purge the poison!
Now Stephanie, that just sounds like an excuse to eat Blue Bell. Hmmm....let me think, is there anyone I can forgive so that I can go get myself some Blue Bell?
Seriously, you are so right. We all have people who push our buttons, but if we let them get to us, we give them the power. And I have also struggled with the "what next" question. Sometimes I just have to let it go, whether the offender knows it or not. Easier said than done, I know.
Thank you for your great posts. I am enjoying this new blogging world that you have introduced me to.
Brandon I have so been there! They say behind every joke there is a little truth...or else it would not be funny. I get frustrated with myself for letting someone see something that could be made fun of when a joke hits too close to home. How dare anyone make fun of, let alone notice, a kink in the armor! Guess I have to give that up also.
AND Susan you know I make every excuse in the world to eat BlueBell in the summer. That is why I should be joining Serena's WW blog club...but sadly math is not my strong suit and I am too ADD to keep up with all those points! Have you tried the new Birthday Cake or Hot Fudge Sunday? Sadly, I have!
I think forgiving is like forgiving a debt, we don't necessarily forget that it was owed, but it ceases to have significance. There is no fear that we might come back at a later date and demand payment.
I think it is important for people to know that we have forgiven them, and not just for us to know. A few reasons for this. First, the person may not know they wronged us. They may need to know. It may keep them from doing something similar in the future to us or someone else. Secondly, they may know they wronged us and be worried that we won't forgive them. If we've already forgiven them and they're still carrying the burden, we should give them some relief. Finally, they should know that the debt isn't going to be called for later. If I forgive someone, but keep it to myself, it's too easy for me to bring it up again later when I need ammunition. If they already know it's been forgiven, they can remind me of that fact if I come trying to collect at a later date.
More than anything, forgiveness helps us grow and move on. I'm still working on the forgetting part of forgive and forget, but I try to at least let the thing go. I try to hold onto the person more than the grudge.
I've learned to think of forgiving in much the same way I think of sacrifice: it's something I'm commanded to do. And I'm not exempted just because it's hard.
Sometimes it's a daily sacrifice. And sometimes it's extremely costly. But it's necessary and it's always worth it. Besides, "I will not sacrifice to my God that which costs me nothing." ^_~
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